Punch (72.1877)

184

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 28, 1877.

discriminando—th.at.the Government should do it. So Gorst made
way for Cross—in due time.

Mr. Anderson wants to assimilate the law of Scotland as to
Married Women's Property to the law of England._ And what for
no ? Unless it be, that your canny wedded Scot's grip of the siller—
his wife's as well as his ain—is too strong to be loosened even by
law, if he can help it.

Montgomerie against, McLaren and Mr. Ewing for the Bill. Sir
Gr. Campbell pathetic on the horror of converting wedlock into
"chumming," and degrading the Scottish marriage tie to the Ma-
hometan. This a new view of Moslem marriage. Punch had always
thought the objection to that was from the point of polygamy, not
property. But what Sir George objects to is not that the Turkish law
allows too many wives, but that it makes all the wives independent in
money matters. In fact, it would seem, according to Sir George,
that the most Terrible Turk, in wedded life, is the one in petticoats.
Thence, perhaps, the usage, among the Turkish ladies of wearing
trousers—however baggy, still unmistakeably of the unmentionable
order..

The Bill was read a Second Time, but with a distinct intimation
from the Lord Advocate, that Scottish women should not have an
inch more right over their own than English.

Thursday {Lords).—Lord Enfield called attention, not before it
is wanted, to the unsanitary condition of the Public Offices, old
and new—the newest, to the shame of somebody—suppose we say
Britannia ?—about the worst. Is it irony, of the powers that watch
over official undertakings, that the basement of the Office, which
keeps such central eye and hand as are kept over the drainage of
town and country, has been fairly flooded with liquid sewage, like the
lover of Horace's Pyrrha, " Liquidis perfusus odoribus," though
not exactly, " Orato sub antro," but in a stinking cellar. Or is it
the Board's offences of omission in sewerage matters that are being
brought home to its own doors, in the form of liquid sewage ?

Lord Beaconsfield promises a speedy cleansing of the Augean
stables of Whitehall and Pall Mall by that rather shaky Hercules,
the Board of Works.

Lord Stratheden and Campbell showed at once his simple-
mindedness and oddity by another last word for the Treaty of
Paris, 1856. Let this be written on his Lordship's tombstone—may
it be long before it is erected!—"He believed to the last in the
Treaty of Paris, 1856."

Lord Rosebery did show how we might be put in an awkward
fix under the Tripartite Treaty of the same year, if either Austria
or France appealed to its obligations. But, as Lord Derby took
comfort in pointing out to the House, they haven't, and are not likely
to. So the Tripartite may go, with its predecessor, " Where de old
Treaties go."

His Lordship should issue a new treatise. " On Treaties and their
Obligations," Punch offers him some mottoes :—

" De non existentibus et non apparentibus, eadem est ratio."
" A Treaty that the signataries don't insist on is no Treaty."
" Circumstances alter cases."

" Sufficient for the time being is the Treaty thereof."
" No bother, no bond."

{Commons).—Much miscellaneous talk, including a conversation
on a department with the objectionable name of the Petty Bag Office.
Punch is sorry to learn that petty-bagging has rather increased than
diminished under the Judicature Act, so that Mr. W. H. Smith
finds it impossible to abolish the office that works the petty bag
business. Punch had flattered himself all these official petty-bag-
gings had been done away with.

On report of the Mutiny Act, repetitions of the lively debates
and divisions on Second Reading by Parnell, Biggar, Power, and
their followers of the Irish Obstructive Brigade. They are evidently
going into curry favour with the Forces, as the "poor" soldiers'
and sailors' friends. General Shtjte said the one thing worth re-
cording in the night's talk—that " want of discipline was the failing
of the age. There was a want of discipline in the Church, and at
the'Bar. He might even say he believed there was a want of dis-
cipline in that House." I believe you, Mon General!

Another talk on the incidence of Imperial Taxation.' Mr. Goschen
doubted the Budget calculations, the Chancellor op the Exche-
quer stands by them. He pointed out that if new taxation had been
needed, there is always, the Income-Tax. ,And the Inexhaustible
Bottle, Sir Stafford. As Sir Wilfrid might say,—" Don't pass
the Bottle."

Friday {Lords).—Lord Camperdown raised the ugly' question
why, alter Captain Hobart, R.N., was dismissed, our Service
in 1868 for accepting service with the Turk without' leave of the
Admiralty, Hobart Pasha was in 1874 restored to our Service,
whence he is now drawing £400 a year half-pay. Lord Derby
could only admit the fact, with a feeble attempt at explanation,
which explained nothing.

We are still at peace with Turkey and, Russia. But they may
any day be at war with each other. Would not Russia have some

thing to say, and with reason, to an English Rear-Admiral com-
manding the Turkish Iron-clads ? A question to be asked, and not
to be answered except in one way—by striking Captain Hobart off
the Navy List—(on which, with all his unwillingness to hit a British
sailor. Punch must say the Captain ought never to have been re-
placed while he wore Turkish uniform)—from the date of the
declaration of war between Russ and Turk.

{Commons.)—The House thrilled to-night with a common pulse,
as the country thrilled next morning, at the news of the rescue of
the five Welsh miners from their ten days' living burial in the
Troedyrhiw mine. God bless the brave fellows who risked their
lives to rescue their brethren ! It is something to have set thirty-
two million hearts beating to one tune. It is something to be one
of these thirty-two million hearts, and to feel one's heart beat the
throbbing link between oneself and thirty-one millions nine hundred
and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine.

And then, to take down its excitement, the House went in, as
if it really meant it, on Mr. Hanbdry Tracy's waggish suggestion
of an official staff of Reporters, to give verbatim reports of the
Parliamentary talk! Talk of Biggar and Parnell ! Had he been
serious ? Think of the House weekly or monthly confronted with
its own verbiage ! " Liter a scripta manet,'' too. "The evil that
men do, lives after them;" for that we have Sharspeare's warrant.
But that the rot they talk should live after them as well!—Dews
avertat.'

The House dabbled with the appalling idea, as seeming-reckless
men might play with a loaded shell, knowing—the rogues—all the
time there wasn't a light within a league of them.

No. Parliament is safe enough from verbatim reports, till a
Biggar and a Parnell—twin obstructives risen to con- and de-
structive—are set loose to work their wicked wills upon the Saxon
speechmaker. _

THE PASSIONATE SHEPHERD TO HIS LOVE.

new version.

(Penned by W. E. G. in Arcadia.)

ome live with me and
be my love;
And we will all the

pleasures prove
That, in these days,

Arcadia yields
To one who seeks its
peaceful fields.

We'll sit beside our

letter-box,
Seeing the missives

come in flocks ;
Big piles of post-cards,

destined all
For answering ques-
tions great and
small.

And I will pen you

pamphlets long,
And essays on Ho

meric song ;
Or spice my lectures

sage and solemn,
With brave orations
by the column.

I '11 show thee how a Wolff to keep
From harrying Arcadian sheep;
And how to counter, " fib,", and plant,
And play the Shepherd-militant.

I '11 teach thee how to ply an axe,
And mind and muscle jointly tax;
Or quit the pastoral pipe and crook,
For wordy bout and big Blue-Book.

The Daily papers,—morning treat
To lend a relish to our meat,—
Shall on our breakfast-table be
Piled up each day for thee and me.

The lazier Swains may dance and sing,
We '11 toil and fight like anything.
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me, and be my love !