Punch (72.1877)

June 16, 1877.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 269

them; or still worse, to feed the unwholesome appetites of the silly-
parvenus or grovelling parasites who, while they at once foster
and ape the follies of their superiors, love nothing better than to
point attention to the weaknesses, expose the inconsistencies, and
declaim against the vices, which they imitate.

To stimulate the dull papillce of such readers, plain truth, if it be
ever served up, must be spiced and peppered, and folly in its essence
be made appetising by a sauce piquante. Penners of smart para-
graphs are engaged to circulate scandal in an epigram, and disguise
impropriety in the intricacies of an acrostic or the garnish of a
double entendre. What matter if stories be apocryphal and state-
ments unfounded ? They can be corrected, if need be, next week,
and the very correction will help to give wider circulation to the
falsehood. If not, they will but pass away to the large Limbo of
Lies, to be forgotten after their nine days' lease of noxious life.

The projectors and conductors of these papers pride themselves on
being what they call " men of the world." Having grown grey in
London, they lay claim to a special knowledge of that mingled
microcosm. They have experienced most of the failures and decep-
tions of life. They naturally delight to rail or sneer at a world
which, as a rule, has treated them according to their deserts.

Their highest pride is to parade their intimacy with the fre-
quenters of doubtful drawing-rooms, and their freedom of question-
able clubs. Their acme of enjoyment is to be admitted to a back
seat on the least exclusive four-in-hand of the Coaching Club, or
the high privilege of a nod from the Guards' bow-window.

An itch to know the ways and means, the lives and manners of
public personages—imported, I believe, from across the Atlantic—
has of late become the mania alike of town and country. These
papers are at much pains and cost to describe, with the most offensive
and obtrusive familiarity, and in the pettiest particulars, the homes,
haunts, and habits of all about whom the world can reasonably, or
unreasonably, be supposed to feel curiosity. An effigy at Madame
Tussatjd's (a Wax-work of the town, as noted now as Mrs. Salmon's
in our own time), and an article in the Weekly Dust-Bin, seem
at present the chief insignia of the notoriety which passes for fame.

When such and so guarded are the avenues to popular reputation,
it is hardly to be wondered at that charlatans should be applauded,
and nobodies magnified into importance. When I reflect that these
accounts of living personages are penned either by laudatory and
self-seeking parasites, or by unscrupulous enemies, I find it as easy
to account for the fulsome flattery of the one class of articles as for
the malignant depreciation of the other. The objects of this adula-
tion and objurgation were for a time usually, if not exclusively,
of the male sex; but you will readily understand that a custom
offering such gratifications of vanity should have, ere long, ex-
tended itself to the Ladies of the^ beau monde. As every Lady
fosters a secret pride in some feature of her face, some trait of her
character, or some peculiarity of her dress or manners, she readily
yields herself an offering on the altar of cheap admiration. So
that my Lady Lispwell's portrait can now be bought for sixpence
in the streets, or hung at the book-stalls for any puppy to gloat over
or crack his low joke upon. 'Tis true the Ladies are limned in
delicate colours, and with a flattering, if not idealising, touch.
Time was when women of breeding and fashion boasted a pride,
if not modesty, which would have shrunk from such public exhi-
bition of themselves. But now they seem to sacrifice alike pride
and modesty, so they can but attract attention.

But for the present I must take my leave of you. Mr. Defoe
will be gratified to learn that the excellent Queen who now occu-
pies the throne, and more than rivals our own Anna in the loyal
love of her subjects, has granted a life-pension to his three great-
great-granddaughters, thus relieving them from a state of indigence
from which the services of their ancestor, alike to the cause of our
popular literature and our national liberties, had not availed to
preserve them. t remain, my dear Steele,

Tour obliged Friend and Servant,

June, 1877. Jo. Addison.

" In the Queen's name, I charge you all to drop
Your swords and daggers."—Critic.

In Maclise's Caxton-picture the printers wear swords, and
though Me. Blades, the great Caxtonian authority, asserts that
this practice was never in vogue, it would seem that now-a-days
the manipulators of type are expected to wear daggers, to judge by
the following advertisement from the Daily Telegraph :—

TO PRINTERS.—A quiet, able, and reliable Compositor can have
regular'stab EMPLOYMENT. Scale. Good references indispensable.
—Address, &c.

Here a " quiet and reliable " man is offered " regular 'stab em-
ployment," and that not in Bulgaria, but in a peaceful, law-abiding
country ! But why, in the name of the Police, should good refer-
ences be indispensable for such a calling ?

REASONS FOR GOING TO ASCOT.

The Duchess oe Beompton's.—
Because it's an agreeable
. change after the dusty Park,
and the over-heated ball-room.
Because lunch on the lawn is rather
pleasant than otherwise.
Because,one way of spend-
ing one's time is about as
good as another way.

The Duke oe Beomp-
ton's. — Because the
Duchess wishes it.

Loed and Lady Mud-
gold's {new " creation).—
Because the dear Duke and
the sweet Duchess are sure
to be there.

Me. and Mes. Planta-
genet de Snukes {nee
Snooks). — Because the
Stuaet de Joynses (who
ten years ago were called
Jones) will have an oppor-
tunity of seeing Sie Midas and Lady Mudgold return our bows.

Me. Patee Familias's.—Because my wife will lead me such a
life if I don't.

Mes. Familias's.—Because it is only right that the dear girls
should see as much of their friends as possible. Because they will
be so much amused with the scene. Because I don't mind making
myself a martyr for their sakes.

The Misses Familias's.—Because Mamma wants to go, and we
suppose we must go with her. Because Tom has promised to bring
some of his friends.

Me. Familias's, Jun.—Because the Girls are going to ask
Aeaminta and Blanche to come with them. Because, if one gets
bored, one can cut it all, and leave the family in the hands of the
Pater.

De. Violet Dose's.—Because I shall meet so many of my
patients, and like to show them that I am not always the medical
man.

Me. Vapid Vague's.—Because some other fellow asked me to
come. Because I am sure I don't know.

Captain Ecaete.—Because one can amuse oneself in the train
with a little mild play. Because I am going to dine afterwards
with young Scatteecash.

Me. Punch's.—Because it's my pleasure to pick up good cha-
racters.

Policeman X's.—Because it's my duty to lock up bad ones.

EDUCATION AND EXTRAS.

The concluding passage of the police report below-quoted may
seem to suggest some misgiving as to the kind of education imparted
at industrial schools. At Brentford the other day a youth named
Heney Bailey was charged with a deplorable act of mischief; an
assault inflicting remediless injury on a little boy named M'Caethy,
three years old. Prisoner called to the poor child, told him to
" look him straight in the face," and when he did so shot him in his
face with a catapult, knocking an eye completely out.

" The Bench, considering it a wilful and deliberate act, remanded tbe
prisoner with the view of sending him to an industrial school, where, as the
Chairman remarked, he would be taught something else besides knocking
other bojs' eyes out with a catapult."

Is it not rather to be hoped that Mastee Bailey will be taught
something besides not knocking other boys' eyes out with a catapult?

A Powerful Illustration.

{North British Daily Mail, 8th inst.)

At a recent dinner of the Irvine Farmers' Society, a Member,
proposing "The Agricultural Interests," said of the Irvine Town
Council, against which the Farmers' Society seems to cherish a
grievance, " That if a louse was to die on the Irvine Mains Farm
(which belongs to them), and you wanted its skin for bleaching,
before you could bury its carcase you would require to write to the
Council for liberty, and then the letter would require to lie a month
on the table for consideration."

Song eoe Detectives.—"Let us speak of a Man when we find him."