Punch (72.1877)

TURNING THE TABLES.

" Young Person" (applicant for Housemaid's "Situation"). "May I ask, Sib, if you keep a Boy?"

Old Gent. "A boy! No. "Why?" Young Person. "Or, to clean Boots and Knives, cabby up Coals and-"

Old Gent. "Ah, may I ask—can you play the Piano?" Young Person (dubiously). "N—no, Sib-"

Old Gent. " Ah, then, I'm afbaid you won't—that is, we shall not suit you. I and my "Wife always cabby up the
Coals, and wash the Dishes, and all that sobt of Thing. All we want is some one to play the Piano !"

empty title, we have not had suggested so formidable a barrier
against the Eussian Bogey as Loed De Mauley's Consul. It is true
the suggestion savours of political homoeopathy—" similia simili-
bus "—a phantom sentinel against a nightmare foe! Lobd De
Mauley, too ! The name smacks of the noble art of self-defence—
as if a man should say "Lord Fisticuff" But if the Eussian
"rally" were really to be feared, what should we have to say of
such a " counter " ?

Lobd Salisbury was at pains to explain that a thousand miles of
waterless desert and inaccessible mountain between English and
Eussian frontiers, and between the Euss and his base of supplies, were
a more trustworthy barrier than Lobd De Mauley's "buffer," and
that the look-out man for British territorial interests in that quarter
is not a Consul for Central Asia but the Viceroy of British India.
He put the same idea into more epigrammatic form at the Merchant
Taylors'banquet the same night—thanks to their continence of speech,
my Lords can do their debating and dining without clash—in a
phrase in which Punch has found the germ of a Cartoon. " It has
generally been acknowledged to be madness to go to war for an idea,
but it is yet more unsatisfactory to go to war against a nightmare."
Awful language for an Indian Secretary to use of India's peril from
the Muscovite, and. more appalling still, Lobd Derby endorsed it,
and even called it admirable! " No wonder tbe Eussophobe organs
are grinding their gloomiest. " II est fort en colere, Le Pere
Duchesne ! " There is much howling and gnashing of teeth from our
fussy.friends, D. T. and P. M. G., and M. P.—meaning, of course,
Del. Trem., Past Grand Master, and Member of Parliament.

Lobd Tbubo, recording his Blackheath experiences, dwelt on the
coincidence—which he seemed to think curious, but which to
Punch seems but natural—that though he had been in the habit of
passing over the Heath at all hours of the day and night for ten
years, he had never seen a bad character or a policeman. At the
same time, his house in the neighbourhood had been robbed four or

five times! Evidently, that was what the bad characters were
about while my Lord was out walking over the Heath—

" I went to Truro's house,
Truro wasn't at home,
Truro he was on the Heath,
So I his goods did bone ! "

Lobd Tbubo wants to know if the district is to be protected
against the recent ^"revivals" of Captain Macheath and Jerry
Abershaw ?

Lobd Beauchamp gave the requisite assurances; and the Con-
servative Babon Eedesdale gave a hint to Lobd Tbubo that if he
had carried a revolver, he wouldn't have much to fear from the
Blackheath branch of the Clan Macheath. The Mltfoeds still smack
of their Border stock, and evidently hold to the orthodox old Eedes-
dale rule, " Let ilka man's haun' keep ilka man's heid."

(Co?nmons.)—SiB. G. Bowyee asked the Attoeney-Genebal
whether the Federation of Liberal Associations, lately hatched at
Birmingham, did or did not come within the danger of the Statute
passed in 1799 to put down the Corresponding Societies and other
ugly growths of that fermenting time, so abundant in United
Societies for the dissolution of everything P

Mb. Chambeelain asked the same question, in relation to the
"Federation of Conservative Associations."

The Attobney-Geneeal, was happily, able to reassure Bowyee
against Chambeelain, and Chambeelain against Bowyee. Neither
Liberal nor Conservative Federation is so clearly within both spirit
and. letter of the Act of 1799 that the Attobney-Geneeal can see
his way to recommend indictment. But SiE Geobge had better try
it, if he see his way. Ditto Chamberlain.

Among the night's talkee-talkee on all imaginable subjects-
Stock Exchange Frauds, Dean Forest, Belgravian Eoads, Scotch
Fisheries, Yaccination Prosecutions, Indian Civil Service Examina-
tions, Black Sea Blockade, Administration of Irish Affairs, and