Punch: Punch (89.1885)

130

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 12, 1885.

NORTH AND SOUTH.

The youngest Miss Brown practises Accompaniments.

OUR NOTES AND QUERIES.

Seasonably arranged in " Queen's " English.

Suggestion "Wanted.—Having rented a small country house for
the present month, I am about to give a ball, to which three hundred,
people have been invited, bat the only available room I have for
dancing is a roofless and weather-beaten barn sadly out of repair,
that requires flooring. What can I do in the way of decoration to give
it, at a small expense, the appearance of a light and elegant apartment
suitable for the purpose. Annette.

Tbavelling Inquiry.—"We are seven in family, three of us being
invalids who cannot move comfortably or safely anywhere without
Bath chairs. What would be the simplest and most direct way of
getting to Bordigherra, either by the Rhine and the Swiss Lakes, or
by any other equally familiar route ? "Would it be possible to get the
chairs over the Simplon, or, failing that and being obliged to part
with them on this side, could we secure a fair price for them ? or
would it be better to have them sent round by Marseilles and Nice to
meet us in the Maritime Alps, relying in the meantime on offers of
local assistance ? Any correspondent who has had the experience
and will communicate fully will oblige Hystebicus.

Present for Baby.—Perhaps " God-Papa" wishes to offend the
baby's relations, otherwise the damaged ophicleide case can_scarcely
be regarded as an agreeable or appropriate gift on the occasion. He
had better revert to his original purpose, and work it something him-
self in crewels. Unless " God-Papa " contemplates at the last moment
purchasing something for the baby, in which event I should suggest
a complete plated gold and silver dessert servioe as likely to give
general surprise and satisfaction. "Wild Robin.

_ Etiquette.-—" Angelina " is wrong in supposing that a declara-
tion of affection should necessarily be made by a gentleman on one
bended knee. _ Such, we believe, is the custom in the highest oircles,
and still obtains at Court, but it is not now considered de rigueur in
general society. With reference to her second question,—decidedly,
No. Goloshes cannot be worn in the drawing-room under any plea
whatever. The fact that the gentleman offending doubted the
honesty of the domestic left in charge of the hats, does not affect the
question. Eutebpe.

SONG AT SCARBOROUGH

During the Match Gentlemen of England v. Players of
England, September 3, 1885.

Ye Gentlemen of England,

Who smite for twos and threes,

One bat has swiped for twenty years,

That bat is W. G.'s.

That wondrous willow waves again

To match the old, old foe,

And spanks through their ranks

Whilst the bowlers puff and blow,

Though Tom Emmett Bends them swift and straight,
And the " field" do all they know.

Britannia need not tremble

Whilst he his " block" can keep,

And slog for sixes and for fours,

Though the field stand close or deep.

There's " powder " yet in every stroke,'

His " drives " like lightning go,

And men roar as the score

Swells at every swashing blow,

Though Ulyett " sends 'em down" like hail,
And Peate his best doth show.

The Cricket fame of England

Shall yet in brightness burn,

And we can wait without blue f unk

That Cornstalk Team's return,

Whilst W. G. can show such form

After twenty years or so;

The fame of his name _

Sounds wherever Britons go,

And the mighty score on Scarborough's shore
Should bring him " one cheer mo'! "

"Bitter."—It is announoed that Sir William IIa r-
cocrt will visit Derby on October 17, to take part in the
unveiling of the statue of the late Mr. Bass. Some of its
subscribers, with a view to improve the inauguration of
that memorial, are said t) meditate a request for the
attendance of Sir Wilfrid Lawson.

Isk-Stains.—The only method of removing the ink-stains from
your blue satin boudoir furniture will be to rip off all the material,
and wash it in hot tea and salts of lemon; but as this will cause the
stuff: to shrink, you must be fully prepared to find that it will be
impossible to re-cover with it the surface it formerly occupied. Under
these circumstances, your best plan would be either to entirely ink
your whole suite till it match, or, better still, order new frameworks
of a smaller size for your sofa, chairs, and other occasional pieces.
This is perhaps the simplest plan, though you must not be disap-
pointed at finding your satin, even when replaced, a dull yellow-
gT-en colour, and anything but attractive to the eye. It is extremely
difficult to remove ink-stains from blue satin. Fanchette.

Exchange.—"Penelope" wishes to change one dozen jars of
pickled cucumber and a white cockatoo, affable with children and
very talkative and amusing, for jewellery of equal value, or novelties
in needlework, wood-engraving, drawing-room ornaments, old point-
lace, or Ayle.bury ducks.

Down, Dairy, Down!

The milk of human kindness must be curdled
When from the post it held for many a day,

That broad Park walk tree-shadowed, iron-hurdled,

Milk Fair remorselessly is driven away.

Needful ? Those new park plans may have their merit,
But—well, Punch envies not the task of Tybwhitt.

Look Out!

The following alarming information is given in the papers:—

" It is rumoured that both Corent Garden and Her Majesty's Theatres
will cease to exist next year. One is to be thrown into the area of Covent
Garden Market, and the other is coveted by the postal authorities."

The postal authorities are quite welcome to covet anything they
please, but we must earnestly protest against any theatre being
thrown into the area of Covent Garden Market. This neighbourhood
has long been disagreeable: it now promises to become dangerous.