Punch (72.1877)

126

PUNCH, OB, THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 24, 1877.

THE DOG OF THE PERIOD.

I say, Bill ! 'Blowed if she ain't a' been a-buying of her Dawgs by the Yard ! '

" PONS ASINORUM ! "

" A collective agreement of the Powers to deliberate on some hypothetical
necessities of action in some hypothetical future, would be so powerless a
document that the mere demand for it would be inexplicable, if we did not
suppose Bussia to be txtremely anxious to procure an honourable means of
retreat."—The Times.

"Will the bridge bear the Bear ? In slow retreat
Ursus essays the pass with cautious feet,
Tentative, if not timid. Paper offers
But flimsy foothold, and some ribald scoffers
May smile to see the ponderous plantigrade
Foot-feeling o'er a protocol. Afraid ?
Oh, not at all, but—well, beyond that " but,"
Though eyes may open, mouths had best be shut.
'Tis they laugh longest who laugh last. Perhaps
The grin distending diplomatic chaps
May soon change sides. 'Tis wise in Bear to tarry,
And, careful, test what weight the bridge will carry,
Across whose paper span and slippery track
The Bear ere long may have to travel back.
Time will show of the "Asses" who's the Ass.
Exit from a political impasse,
On a permissive protocol, may prove
In Bear's long game not quite the final move.
This new retreat from Moscow, or at least
From Moscow's manifesto, irks the beast,
With Slavs left in the cold, armed legions idle,
And Turk unchecked, save by a paper bridle
Of futile lecturing and wordy warning,
Which even Turks have sense enough for scorning.
As " action commune " gives dissatisfaction,
Suppose, instead, we try common maction—■
Faineant policy on old safe lines-
Lecturing sans "ulterior desigDS."
We '11 lift a fie-fie finger ! But " insist " ?
Where is the bold bad Power dares shake a fist
That hints coercion P " Padishah, we trust
You '11 sin no more, but if you will, you must.

We 're all at one as far as wishes go;

And really you should mend your ways, you know.

For doing which there's nought like good intentions—

With which do pave, and no more interventions."

This protocolled, let diplomats look wise,

Bull graze at peace, and Bear demobilise :

Devices to do nothing with an air

Of busy self-importance are not rare,

But this political Round Robin beats

All diplomatic record. Bear retreats ;

Lion nor Eagles dare advanoe ; and lo !

The Happy Family in statu quo !

Et apres f Ah, that question, long revolved,

Crossing this Asses' Bridge leaves still unsolved.

CONTRABANDISTS AND COMMONS.

The Morning Advertiser mentions that a deputation one day last
week waited on the Home Secbetaky, with a view to get the London
and South-Western Railway Company restrained from committing
an encroachment which they design on Barnes Common. Our
neighbouring contemporary adds that Ms. Cboss promised to see
the Company's Solicitor, with a view to do all that could be done
for the preservation of that open space for the public use by its
rescue from those despoilers. Of course he will have no difficulty in
keeping Barnes Common from the clutches of the Philistines, unless
they have already contrived covertly to whip up a majority for the Act
of Parliament delivering it into their hands. If, unfortunately, that
is so, it is to be hoped that Government will put all possible pressure
on them to arrest their ravage. In the meanwhile, we rejoice to
see that an attempt of the London and Brighton to appropriate one
of the prettiest bits of Mitcham Common has been defeated. The
Society for the Preservation of Commons and Open Spaces, with a
view to impede the progress of Railway, and all other aggression
on common land, should organise a Parliamentary Preventive
Service to block the attempts, still made from time to time, to
get Private Enclosure Bills smuggled through the House of
Commons.