Punch (72.1877)

April 28, 1877.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

185

A DEMONSTRATION.

ueey—meant to de-
monstrate what ?
That " patriots " are

a seedy lot;
That spouters of sedi-
tions rant,
"Withtongue alone are

militant,
And, spite of bellicose

pretences,
Don't " disregard the

consequences " ;
That swaggerers, who

Police defy
Of Jupiter Pluvius

fight shy,
Whose water-pot has

proved a damper
To many a loud pot-
valiant tramper ;
That heroes game to

spill their blood
Will funk ehill wind
and clinging mud,
Oblivious of valorous

vows; and
That those defiant
hundred thousand
Stern men and true" got deci-
mated

3asily than congregated;
he arithmetic of bluster
ays falsified at muster ;
Morgan of the knightly
f"

Is not the pink of chivalry;

That Rowland Tyler is not Wat ;
That muffs who swear they'd rather rot
In dungeon than as recreants live,
Would funk what Beak might haply give ;
That martyrdom is not their walk,
When " rot" is mainly all their talk;
That 'tis an anti-climax rather
When fools who in their thousands gather,
Have to depute ten leading " gabs "
To charge the foe in four-wheeled cabs!

That geese will stray when given free room,
And that the House of Commons tea-room
With counsel and applause from Whalley,
Forms fittest finish to such folly ;
That loud De Morgan can but bray
Like other " mokes," and lose his way ;
That blatant Tyler and crass Sklpworth
Are scarcely serious Satire's whip worth ;
In fine, that the egregious three
Are utter donkeys— Q,. E. D.!

FOR THE MASTEE OE THE MUSIC OE THE EUTUEE.

The following Regulations have been issued by the Police for the maintenance of order
and the satisfaction of the Great Composer on the occasion of the Wagner performances
at the Albert Hall :—

The Public will be admitted to the Albert Hall on presentation of vouchers signed by
Herr Wagner or Herr Dannreuther, and on production of a certificate from any two
Professors of Esthetics in any University at home or abroad.

No person who has ever been heard to scoff at the Music of the Future, or is known
to.prefer Mozart's, Beethoven's, or Mendelssohn's works to the Recitatives in Lohengrin
and the Ring der Nibelungen, or who has ever confessed to having derived pleasure from
the Operas of Auber or Rossini, Bellini or Donizetti, or who has at any time degraded
himself so far as to listen to the garbage of Ofeenbach, Herve, Lecocq, or Strauss,
will on any account be admitted to the honour of assisting in this audition.

Any one of the audience assembled who shall blow any one's trumpet but that of
Richard Wagner (always excepting the ninety-nine trombones in the orchestra), or
who shall sneeze, cough, or blow his own nose, or any one else's, during the ceremony,
or who shall show any sign of disapproval or weariness, either by audible word, gesture,
exclamation, or whisper, shall, on detection, be removed by the police agents at the first
pause in the programme.

Only specified admirers will be permitted to bring up to the dais on which the august
Wagner will be enthroned crowns, wreaths, or bouquets for his acceptance.

All crowns must be of gold or silver-gilt. Wreaths and bouquets to be composed of the
costliest exotics.

The Police have special orders to prevent the audience in their enthusiasm carrying
Heer Wagner round the Galleries, or crowding to kiss'his hand, so as to impede his
respiration, or otherwise interfere with his personal comfort.

A powerful.lime-light will throw a halo round the head of the Professor during the
performance.

Three of the most noted aurists of Savile Row will be in attendance at the Hall for the
reparation of defective drums.
Sal-volatile and chloric eether, for the use of persons of exceptionally fine-strung nerves,

may be had in the basement of the Hall, on
application to the Chemist of the Medicines of
the Future, who will have his laboratory on
the premises, with every description of restora-
tive appliance and apparatus.

Special trains will run from the Kensington
High Street Station to Colney Hatch, Hanwell,
and Earlswood after each concert.

OUT OF RANGE.

We rejoice to hear that the British Army
already possesses an excellent range-finder, and
has only to bring it into use and train men to
work it in all branches of the Service. This is
very encouraging, and all would be well did
but the British Army possess also the following
useful articles :—

A Commander-in-Chief who did not disap-
prove of his own General Orders.

A Field-Marshal who did not rest his claims
to distinction upon his years rather than his
laurels.

A Mobilisation Scheme that did not exist
only on paper.

A War-Office which did not quarrel with the
Indian Department.

An Indian Department which did not, when-
ever possible, snub and ignore the Horse-
Guards.

A Reserve able to fill up ugly gaps in the
event of our Army being called on for serious
operations.

And, lastly, a few more horses, a good many
more guns, and, if it could be managed with-
out quite breaking the back of Britannia, a
great many more stalwart men in her Line and
our Reserve.

STANZAS ON A SHOWER.

Yon Butcher's ruby face is gleaming
With copious moisture, like the rain,

Whose big drops, fast and frequent streaming,
Run races down the window-pane.

From pores cutaneous such effusion

In heat of business oft appears.
That thought were now a fond illusion ;

For ah, those cheeks are bathed in tears!

News of the last great importation

Of Yankee meat hath caught his eyes:

O'erwhelmed with grief and consternation
So now the blue-frocked Bobus cries.

From Commoners to Cads.

Mr. Punch, if infallible, is yet not omni-
scient. Knowing that Me. John de Moegan
had headed commoners in the destruction of
illegal enclosures on commons, he did not know
at the time that Me. de Moegan was capable
of heading cads in an Orton demonstration of
tagrag and bobtail. But Mr. Punch never
pronounced Mr. de Moegan, ex cathedra^ to
be a wise and sensible man, or declared him,
authoritatively, actuated by any sentiment
superior to the enthusiasm of a demagogue
inflamed with a passion for notoriety.

That Terrible Turk.

An assertion commonly passing current is
the saying that " the Turk is a Conservative."
This however should be taken with grains of
salt fully amounting to a scruple. In Bul-
garia and elsewhere the Turk has abundantly
shown that, when his monkey is up, he can be
an out-and-out Destructive. But, Conserva-
tive or Destructive, as the occasion of ^threa-
tened European war, confound his politics!

Suited to a Tea.—" Mistee " de Moegan
in the House of Commons.