Punch (72.1877)

226

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 19, 1877.

THE METALLIC CURE.

Twenty-five years ago Db. Bubck, of Paris, made a discovery.

required gold indispensably ! " or " My dear, who on earth could
fancy tin and palladium would run well together! "

5. We shall not make any obvious remarks about the well-
known effect of gold as a medicine, or hint that the doctor who,

It is only at the present moment that the world—medical and other J suspecting a tightness in his patient's chest, wrote, " Prenez chez
—is penetrated with its importance. A Paris daily calls it " a new \mon hanquier 50,000 francs" was the true discoverer of the

Ehysiological law." It is more, inasmuch as it does not supplement, J system,
ut contradicts, received axioms. This is " Metallo-therapia," or | 6. Once a man's metal is discovered, its name may be tattooed

treatment of diseases_______ upon him. (The che

by metallic applica

tions, varying ac-
cording to the tem-
peraments of the
subject operated
on.

In all the pathies
the choice of the
remedy is ruled
chiefly by the mala-
dy, little by the pa-
tient. In Metallo-
therapy it is found
to be different. Not
only will external
applications of me-
tallic disks restore,
in a few minutes,
sensation to a sub-
ject completely in-
sensible to the knife
or the needle; not
only will a copper
stewpan pressed on
the forehead cure
the most violent
headache; but what
these gold pieces,
this copper pan have
done for you, may-
hap they will not do
for me. Not only
hysteria, anEesthe-
sia, St. Vitus's
Dance, &<$., own this
new law, but it is
even hoped that it
may be found to ex-
tend to paralysis it-
self.

Each human being
has his metal par
excellence, and if
you want to see him
at his best you must
put him on his me-
tal. Let us con-
sider briefly a few
of the social changes
that may spring
from this new know-
ledge :—

1. Pleadings will
be modified. The
conveyancer of a
gold watch, of a lot
of silver plate, will
be defended as hav-
ing, by his constitu-
tion, an irresistible
need of this or that
metal.

2. "When the sove-
reign metal for each
child has been dis-
covered, as the child
grows up, the fact

VARNISHING DAY AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY.

mical symbols for the
metals would afford
suggestions for ab-
breviation : thus iron
would be Fe., gold
Au., &c.

t 7. In noble fami-
lies, the successive
inheritors of the
honours may be dis-
tinguished in the
Archives by their
metals. Thus we
may not only see an
Iron Duke in a new
sense, but read of
the " Bismuth
Earl," the "Man-
ganese Marquis,"
&c.

{En passant—Can
manganese be the
cure for humour P
Oats take up iron as
they grow, and man-
ganese. But where
oats grow there is
generally no man-
ganese, save in Scot-
land ; and it is said
that Scots have this
manganese in their
blood. This may
account for certain
Scottish differ en-
tice.)

Everybody takes
iron for the blood;
but everybody does
not thrive upon it.

Db. Bubck: de-
clares that where
iron fails, he has
found copper, silver,
or gold work like a
charm.

Pabacelsus cured
toothache by plates
of magnetised iron
applied to the head.
It is suggested that
the plates and brace-
lets worn by the an-
cients had a similar
object. Perhaps the
nose-rings of sava-
ges may be a dim and
darkling effort at the
cure of influenza—a
survival of ancient
knowledge.

Exact correlation
between the metals
and the tempera-
ments is suspected.
It is difficult to see
how this can be,

may be registered ' ~~ ~ " ~ ~ since the number of

like birth, vaccination, or the fourth standard.

3. The metal may even be added, by choice or by law, before
the surname. This would be useful for distinguishing homonyms.
"John Gold Smith," and "John Cadmium Smith," for instance.
To avoid confusion, one would write "John Aubum Smith," no
doubt.

4. Marriages will be influenced by consideration of the alloy-
ablity of the contracting parties' metals. When a menage has
come to grief, friends will say, "What could one expect? Each

the metals is very much more than double that of the tempera-
ments, even when crossed and compounded.

If all these flowers fruit, we shall be laughed at now—which,
after all, is our vocation—but perhaps held as a prophet in another
quarter of a century, for saying that there would be nothing strange
in finding a Perfect Cure, which would put effectual extinguishers
on all the wicked moulds of Mania, in its seven chief branches, of
Homicidal, Suicidal, Erotic, Klepto, Biblo, Dipso—which spring
from the central stem, Mono—Mania.