Punch (72.1877)

January 27, 1877.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

35

HEALTH IS HAPPINESS.

So think Tom and Jerry ; and whenever they have an Opportunity, Jerry takes out his
Watch, and feels his Pulse, while Tom looks at his Tongue in a small Pocket-Glass.

A DROP TOO. MUCH.

Amongst some curious particulars
respecting Champagne wine, trie
Bulletin des Seances de la Societe
Centrale d''Agriculture mentions
that Ay was prized above all other
wines by Pope Urban II. (whom we
now know to have been an infallible
judge), in the eleventh century. It
was then, according to the above-
quoted authority, a red sort, not
unlike Bouzy wine, which also has
had its day of great renown." Few
people now-a-days, probably, are
aware of the existence of a Bouzy
wine ; and certain Spelling Re-
formers will perhaps suggest that
the name of that wine, considered as
descriptive of its effects on those
who drink too much of it, is appli-
cable to all manner of " intoxicating
liquors."

The New System of Chancery _

Great complaint is made of the
" Law's Delay " prevalent under the
"New System" in the Court of
Chancery. There is said to be a
"block" in the Registrar's Office;
another block in Chambers; a block
in every department of the Chan-
cery Division. Hence it appears that
the " New System " adopted in
Chancery is in fact the " Block Sys-
tem." Strange! The desideratum
of our Railways is the opprobrium of
our Courts of Law.

odd contradiction.

That "Full Dress" in Her Ma-
jesty's Foot Guards should involve
Bear Skins.

FASHIONABLE CHIT-CHAT.

(Adapted from the American for the English Market.)

Charley Headlong married Lady "Dolly" Spanker on
Tuesday. The wedding cake (supplied by Messrs. Sweet and
Plumb) cost over seventy guineas. The old woman (the Bride's
mother) was awfully cut up, and cried until her complexion was
utterly spoiled. This was not strange, as the Dowager's favourite
brother has recently died of typhus fever.

By the way, a propos of the death to which I have just alluded,
there were eight hundred and ninety-seven silver nails in the coffin.

I am very fond of "Waiters, and know a large number of them.
As this is the case, I may have something to say about the Smoking-
Room Talk in several leading West-End Clubs next week.

A horse-whipping doesn't hurt when you are accustomed to it.

I am accustomed to hang about stage-doors after the performances
are over. A well-known actress (for whom I have the most pro-
found respect) took an omnibus from the Strand to Clapham on
Friday. She got out some little distance from her house, to save
payment of an extra penny. And yet they say " the Profession "
are improvident.

I dined the other evening with Lady Brownjones Robinson.
The soup was too hot, and the fish too cold. The entrees were
greasy, and the birds tough. The ice pudding tasted as if [it had
been manufactured in the kitchen of a third-rate pastrycook. It is
only just to say (in answer to certain unpleasant reports that have
been current of late) that Lady Brownjones Robinson's husband
was in attendance. Poor fellow, he looked a little mournful. Once
only did a " guest" address him, and then it was to ask him " To
be good enough to pass the salt."

I hear, on excellent authority, that a certain Illustrious Person-
age has ordered half-a-dozen pairs of new boots.

I went to see some Amateur Theatricals the other day, and the
performances had a terribly depressing effect. I am not much of
an actor myself, but I think, were I asked to play, I should go in

r___ mi T '

IRISH RAILWAY HOURS.
We understand the answer as well as the question :—

" What is the night ?
Almost at odds with morning, which is which."

We do not seem to fancy that night and morning, described as at
odds with each other, are said to be falling out. But in the following
advertisement, cut from a Dublin contemporary, occurs a passage,
which, if parallel to the Shakspearian statement foregoing, is com-
paratively obscure :—

IF any of the Gentlemen who witnessed the Collision near the Mater
Misericordiae Hospital, between one and two o'clock on Wednesday, the
10th inst., will communicate with V. 324, office of this paper, he will much
oblige.

It is too much, perhaps, to hope that the collision above alleged
to have occurred between One and Two o'clock, was merely a figura-
tive sort of clash into which one of those hours somehow came with
the other ; no bones broken—as they might be if the Hours in Ireland
travelled by rail. It seems to have been a visible collision, from
the intimation that if any of the Gentlemen who witnessed it will
communicate with "V. 324," he—that is, of course, "V. 324"—
will much oblige. But whom will "V. 324" oblige, and how, and
wherefore? Presumably "V. 324" is one of those Preservers of
Public Order by the English populace [not too respectfully styled
Bobbies. Although he may be a thoroughly efficient Constable, his
diction is certainly less perspicuous than such as beseems an officer
of that intelligent body the Irish Police. Query for Earlswood—
One o'clock coming into collision with Two, would not One get the
worst of it ?

Songs for Lunatic Asylums.—Glees rather than Madrigals.