Punch (72.1877)

72 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 17, 1877.

MIDHAT AND HIS MASTER.

(A Growl from the, Grand Turk.)
■ A careful study of the Arabian Nights would be a better guide to the mysteries of Turkish policy
i the scrutiny of protocols and despatches."—Times.

iDHATheblowed! That's
Giaour slang !
And let the Plenipos

go hang!
Conference ? Consti-
tution ? Foh!
Shall Padishahs be

muzzled so ?
Still Bosphorus Seven

Towers doth lick,
Where Giaours of En-
voys once ate stick.
Ask guarantees from
the Grand Turk ?—
A very pretty piece of
work!

a Sultan but a " pshah "
ducible minima !

thus in Mahmottd's time,
srlorious golden prime
Haboun Aleaschid !

Bowstrings and Bosh! Thinks he he

Turn upside down the Ottoman ?
V^ho is this Midhat, to o'errule
The Pasha-power of Istamboul ?
Sherbet and Sheitan ! Are we sons
Born of burnt fathers ? Ships and
guns

"We've borrowed from the upstart
West,

Her spare cash helped her to invest;
But now these Giaours, by word and
blow,

That the East's still the East, we '11
show!

By change untouched, untaught by
time,

As it was in the golden prime
Of good Haboun Aleaschid !

The Padishah, a paper-thrall,
At Midhat's whistle to sing small!
A Constitution one decrees—
A bubble blown the Giaour to please—
On Salisbuby's high waves to pour
oil,

Ignatiefp's little game to spoil,
But to be carried out ? Oh, no !
Midhat will find that way's no go.
Mid hat shall quit, and ne'er come
back—

We'll give him what Giaours' call

"the sack"—
A sack I.'d sink in Bosphorus slime,
If "this were but the golden prime
Of good Haeottn Aleaschid !

What! Shall a Sultan live in fear
Of a Reforming Grand Vizier ?
A text for quidnuncs and for quiz-
zers ?—

Of Softas to say nought, or scissors.

Bowstring the dog ! Or, stop a bit-
Hoist with his own petard—'twill fit!
Pull his own Constitution's trigger—
A hundred and thirteen's the figure—
And floor the rogue with his own gun ;
So at least one thing 'twill have done.

A cup of coffee, spiced and strong,
Had been more Eastern, and less long.
But ours is a degenerate time ;
Ah, how unlike the golden prime
Of good Haboun Aleaschid !

A Passengers' Railway Question.

On the Metropolitan District Railway a driver, losing nerve, backs a train downhill against
another train, smashing 120 passengers. In compensation for their injuries, they get £10,800.
Against this sum the Company has to put only £1 2s. 6d., the amount of the sufferers'
fares. The Directors consider the compensation excessive. Had they to pay no more than
the amount they themselves thought reasonable, how many more accidents than at present
would occur in a given time on the Metropolitan District Railway ?

SIGNS OF SPBING. .

Pabisian Governesses are giving the last
touch of French polish to their pupils.

Music-Masters are coaching fluttering
debutantes in Chopin's Mazurkas.

Dancing-Mistresses are giving six lessons
in the lately-revived kick-up—the Polka.

The Board of Works is carefully covering
a fine layer of broken bricks and smashed
bottles with finer gravel, and calling the
mixture Rotten Row.

Young Wild Otes is growing Gardenias
in pots in his bed-room, and has taken a
Farce to three Managers without any other
result than polite refusal.

Captain Monte Bbag is practising seve-
ral new tricks with the cards, with a view
to simplifying ecarte and piquet.

Lady Highplyeb has been closeted with
Madame Rachel, who has had the impu-
dence to crop up again.

The Bower of Beauty and the Fountain
of Youth are besieged every day by Ladies
who have faith in metallic dyes and arsenical
lotions.

Several Screws, "the property of Gen-
tlemen going abroad," are being highly
groomed and carefully fed.

Sand-cracks are being filled up, scars
painted over, and loose boxes prepared for
the reception of the splendid Park Hacks,
which " a well-known Lady of fashion has
no further use for."

Dog Importers are busy picking up stray
pets, and rendering them unrecognisable,
with a view to ready sale.

Awful sacrifices are making room for
Spring stocks in West End monster maga-
zines.

The Snowdrops and Violets of London
Ball-rooms are opening their modest eyes
to an imaginary future of blissful waltzes
and bewildered Baronets.

Guntee is laying down Ice and crusty
old Waiters.

And Me. Gye has found a Tenor who will
make us forget Mario, and a debutante up
to her work.

ETON COPY-HEADS.

(From a set in the Possession of W. E. G.)

Accept anybody's advances.
Boys' bills should be big.
Cash connection combines classes.
Dukes are desirable.
Eton enforces expensive habits.
Family feeling is foolish.
Good money gives good graces.
Hard cash holds the highest.
Impecuniosity is ignominious.
Juvenile junketting is jolly.
Keep kicking down cash.
Lavishness leads to love.
Money makes many friends.
Needy niceness is nasty.
Own money is good: other people's
better.

Procure plenty of -pocket-money.
Question quarterly allowances.
Reward riches with respect.
Silence self-reproach ivith silver.
Treat titles tenderly.
Use upward opportunities.
Virtue is not its own reward.
Wealth is the wise man's worth.
X-pensive habits are to be x-tolled.
Youthful excesses are usual.
Zounds! how things have changed since
my time !

New Title.—For Conference Protocols,
read last edition of Cecil's Remains.