Punch (72.1877)

276

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAMVAKI.

[June 16, 1877.

MEDICINA IN EXCELSIS.

1

quired the" young
Churchman.

"Meaning," asked the Medical Lady, "all humbug? By no
means. Its name expresses a truth."
" Similia similibus ? "

"Yes; but a partial truth. They should say ' quccdam similia.'
The truth is true only in some cases."
f " Still, true in some?"

~" Certainly—a truth as old as the hills, proverbial for ages. 1 A
hair of the dog that bit you.' For instance. In the last generation,
you know, as a matter of history, young men at a symposium over-
night, would sometimes imbibe more wine or grog than they found
good for them next morning. Then a common remedy for their
nervous disorder, in the slang of the period, termed, I think, 'seedi-
ness,' was a glass of bitter ale. So like cured like. Among the
working classes, some men, even in the present day, from excess of
drink, are occasionally subject to D. T."
"What is that?"

" Delirium tremens. When it attacks a hospital patient, we have
to exhibit alcoholic stimulants. Like curing like again."
" But not in infinitesimal doses ? "

"No, indeed. Infinitesimal doses of gin would, however, cure
dipsomania—if the patient could bear to drink nothing else stronger
than water—hut, then he would be cured just as soon without them."

" By the water cure, instead of homoeopathy ? "

" Just so. Infinitesimal doses are all heresy, if you like. But the
homoeopathists make another mistake."

"Wherein?"

" In calling the regular practice of medicine ' allopathy,' as if it
consisted wholly, or mainly, in prescribing allopathic as opposed to
homoeopathic remedies in the sense of specifics. Our real specifics,
drugs which directly counteract diseases, are, whether allopathic
or homoeopathic, comparatively few. The great majority of com-
plaints are curable, if not by diet and exercise alone, by exercise
and diet, assisted by physic, which counteracts disease indirectly,
in merely removing hindrances to naturally getting well; in par-
ticular, by causing torpid organs of elimination to do their duty.
Our old friend, the black and hlue reviver-"

" The what, De. Clara?"

'' Don't you know ? Blue pill and hlack dose. Why, that is all
the physic necessary to cure no end of diseases of different names—
given due regimen as well as draught and pill. Regimen is not
allopathic, neither are pill and draught, which simply promote the
functions of the biliary and digestive organs. We are not Allo-
pathists any more than Homoeopathists, so let Hahnemann's followers
not call us names, and let them learn why they shouldn't, and when
they get to understand that, then, perhaps, we may agree with them
to put our horses together."

" Grood,"_ said the Bishop, who had overheard the chat between
his Chaplain and Dr. Clara. "And so now for our little penny
sweep, before lunch." So saying, his Lordship sent round the
shovel-hat, in which he had deposited the billets enclosing the names
of the competitors for the " Cup." The fortunate drawer was to hand
over the stakes to the Pastoral Aid Society.

British and Foreign Politics.—How can people, intent on
Epsom and Ascot at home, possibly take any interest whatsoever in
the Greek and Slavonic Races ?

THE MORAL OF THE " OAKS."

(As read by four-legged Fillies to two-legged.)

Look, fussy, fretful fillies—you that fume

And fight for Man's rights by the name of Woman's ;
And lash the Press and Public to a spume,

In your fierce press to scale the House of Commons !
And you, fast fillies in a different way,

Who on the social mill make toil of pleasure,
Life-sentenced to grind nothing, night and day,

In the unending labour you call leisure!

And you, hysteric shriekers against pain,—

Be it your own or other's, alike nothing,—
Whether of crumpled rose-leaves you complain,

Or social, legal, grievance sets you frothing ;
Whether you go for pleasures, rights, or wrongs,

My fussy fillies, shrieking, slaving, sighing,
Take to your hearts, shrined in this song of songs,

The precious moral of last Oaks, won flying.

'Twas not Astra-a, daughter of the stars,

Quickstep, Mirobolante, nor Miss Golightly—
Names smacking of the " fastness " that scorns bars—

Nor yet Plaisante, though christened all so brightly,
Nor bright Belphcebe, with her port of pride,

Nor Merrythought, that cheers e'en toil of pleasure—
'Twas none of these that to the front did glide,

And to her owner proved herself a treasure.

But Placida, still calm of port and pace,

For rights or wrongs unfretful and unfussy,
That took her pleasure wisely, like her race,

Serene, and at her ease, e'en when most busy,
'Twas she, whose name speaks gentleness and calm,

That won the Oaks—from first to last untackled—■
That took and kept the lead, " a la grande dame,'"

With sweep of strength that speaks in grace unshackled.

Placida, type of all her sex should be,

Rather than are : the fillies' fair ideal!
In her let all her biped sisters see

No fancy picture—Placida is real.
'Tis calm and gentleness, control of pace,

Of wind and limb, ambition, passion, pity,
That make the winner of the fillies' race,

Biped or quadruped—so ends my ditty!

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

%* Once for all we beg to inform our Correspondents, that, though we, of
course, know everything, these questions ought to have been sent to
the Editor of the Musical World.

A Firm Believer in Everything you Say.—You are an idiot.
One who Knows.—Wrong again. He never was. Consult a Musical
Solicitor.

A Timid Gazelle—The Composer you allude to came of age at the same

time. This did not, however, prevent him from attending to his usual

business at the office.
Profondo.—Piatti is not the first violoncello player. The first violoncello

player must have lived a very long time ago.
A Tenner.—You will find the symphony in his early works. All his works

were early, as he invariably wrote between three and six a.m. every

morning. " Compare Op. 6, Symp. 10, and count six to four bar one.
An Acute Ear.—(1) Lift the dominant; (2) Yes; (3) A fine example of a

Major in the Lancers; (4) Sometimes ; (5) Try A flat—in Victoria Street.
Handel Junior.—All nautical songs need not be written in C. But it is

absolutely necessary that they should be within every mariner's compass.
Count Faure.—Pooh ! Knock him right into the big drum, and smash him

on the head with the cymbals.
Tweedle Dumb.—If taken slowly, you will find it do you a lot of good.

Two-four at a time.
Wagner.—The overture to Die Washerwdmeren commences with fifteen

bars of best yellow soap.
Gregory says " he doesn't like Church music, and asks us what he shall

do?" Go to Chappell.
Dolly Dolce aBks " What time ought Lindsay Sloper s Nocturne to be

taken at?" Bed time, of course.
*#* Being pressed for space below the line, we have forwarded the rest to
our learned musical contemporary above-named.

something like enthusiasm.

When Dr. Schliemann was a grocer's shopman, such was his
Homeric enthusiasm, that he used to serve out his groceries over
the counter by Troy weight instead of Avoirdupois.