Punch (72.1877)

February 17, 1877.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

61

PUNCH'S VALENTINES.

(5Um§ alf-Love is the love
WW of youth, but golden
$C calf-love is the love of
~mk riper reason and ma-

h turer years. The world

is no longer young,
£r though in the golden

age—the age when the
golden calf is worshjp-
f ped among the British

as it once was among
the Israelites. If our
motto is still " Hearts
and Hearts," it means
that hearts must now
be laid hold of by hands
with something in them. So no wonder
the fashion for substituting gifts for
verses on Valentine's Day should be
spreading more and more. Punch, ever
in the fashion, and ever ready to oblige
a grateful public, begs to suggest a few
appropriate presents for certain eminent
personages :—

Mr. Gladstone.—A packet of stamped
envelopes, with the legend, " To be used
instead of post-cards."

Lord Beacons field.—A model of the
Sphinx, in black marble, with the fable
of the Frog who tried to be bigger than
the Bull.

Lord Salisbury.—A Cook's Excursion
ticket, with the inscription, " Great Re-
^s-S duction in Railway Travelling."

^SrCP' & Sir ^afford Northcote.—A set of

Disraeli's Novels, " from the_ Author,"
with the inscription, "Imitation is the
sincerest flattery.—Beaconsfleld."
Lord Hartington.—An amusing puzzle game, called " Liberal Policy," with a card " With
Mr. Gladstone's kindest regards."

Mr. Gathorne Hardy.—A Treatise on Sewage; with a return of the number of cases of
typhoid fever in the War-Office.

Mr. Ward Hunt.—An Essay on "The Tea-Kettle in general, and the Vanguard in
particular," by Admiral Sir King Hall.

Midhat Pasha— A Sack, inscribed " The Turkish Constitution—Article 113."
The Emperor of Russia.—A Reversible Coat, with the motto, "Can be turned back again."
The Emperor of Austria.—A Lion's Skin, with an inscription, " The same old game."—
Shakspeare [King John).

Prince Von Bismarck.—A box of drastic Pills, with the motto, " Non bis datquicitb dot."
The Sultan of Turkey.—A copy of The Boad to Buin, and the song, " Softly tread, 'tis
hollow ground."

The King of Italy.—A Fra Diavolo suit, with the motto, " Honour before Honesty."
Marshal McMahon. — A Franco-German Dictionary, inscribed, " For a good boy, to be
thoroughly mastered."

Uncle Sam.—A moral Tale, altered from The Looking- Glass, and entitled One Head is
better than Two.

And, lastly, Mr. Punch. — A steam-
yacht, ";a, grand-tier box for Covent Garden
for life, a coach-and-four, a casket of the
most costly jewellery, a blank cheque signed
" Rothschild," and a family mansion in
South Kensington, with furniture complete ;
all marked with the Punch monogram, and
inscribed with the Punch motto, Modesty
is the best policy."

WONDERS OF THE DAT.

{A Eeminiscence of an Installation.)

Looking back at my own career, wonder
if wonders will ever cease ?

Wonder whether a better style of drapery
might not be devised for Peers ?

Wonder how Salisbury likes having me
at his elbow ?

Wonder whether a man is liable to be
tried by his Peers in the House of Lords,
as well as a Court of Justice ?

Wonder whether they will miss me in
the Commons ?

Wonder how Northcote will work as a
Leader ?

Wonder who will answer Gladstone ?
Wonder who will walk a-top of Lowe ?
Wonder what the Golos will say on the
subject ?

Wonder whether Bismarck will think
anything about it, and what ?

Wonder whether I shall be moved to
write a sequel to Lxion in Heaven f

Wonder what I really looked forward
to when I wrote Vivian Grey.

Wonder if I could remember half a
dozen lines of The Bevolutionary Epic f

Wonder how the Great Commoner felt
after his rise from Pitt to Chatham ?

Wonder if a Coronet is, after all, a more
dignified head-gear than a wide-awake ?

Wonder what the Comic scribblers will
do without "Dizzy"?

Wonder if I shall be a hit in my new
part ?

Wonder if there's still such a thing as
being "kicked up-stairs "—as there cer-
tainly was in Pulteney's time ?

ASSES ON TWO LEGS.

A biped ass, called Donovan—rough, as
asses are in winter—lately received from
Mr. Knox the well-deserved sentence of
two months' imprisonment for striking one
of the servants of the Chinese Ambassador,
whose lives, it seems, are made a burden
to them by the coarse curiosity, rising some-
times to horse-, or rather ass-, play, of the
London street-roughs, cads, and snobs, who
gather for the purpose about the Embassy
in Portland Place. May all asses who pass
the line that separates braying from kick-
ing, like this Donovan, meet with as hard
knocks in the police-court! Do we want
to justify the Chinese in the title they have
given us of " outer " or " utter barbarians ?''
If not, we are bound to receive our Celestial
visitors'with the courtesies due to " angels'
visits, few and far between."

Standard Works.

{ For the Advocates of the Phonetic System of
Spelling.)

The Biglow and Nasby Papers, Arte-
?nus Ward—his Book, Major Jack Down-
ing, and the works of other American
Humorists, which will thus be found to
combine instruction with amusement.

Professors of the new system may be
found in plenty amongst the Somersetshire
labourers.

vol. lxxlt. g