Punch (82.1882)

34

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAKIYAKL

[January 21, 1882.

POEUS CORNER;

Or, Nonsense Rliymes on well-
known Names.

{E.R.H. at Bradgate.)
Said the Peasants to the Peer,
“ The Prince we must cheer.”
Said the Peer to the Peasants,
“ Then he can’t shoot the
pheasants.”

(Said the Pheasants,
“ Hooray! ”

When the Prince went away.)

[In re Channel Tnnnel.)
Says Watkin to Hawkshaw,
“ We ’ll start from the chalk
shore.”

Says Hawkshaw to Watkin,
“We’re not kith and not
kin.”

(You ’ll learn from these lines
That Hawkshaw resigns.)

(Chemical.)

Says Bartlett to Wanklyn,
“Let’s go down to Shank-
lin ; ’ ’

Says Wanklin to Bartlett,
“ Pirst finish this tartlet.”

(Tnrin.)

Says Humbert to AYilliam,

“ You think I silly am.”

Says William to Humbert,

“ JJon’t want to combat.”

(Commercial Treaty.)

Says France to Wilson
(Rivers),

“ We ’re takers, not givers.”
Says Rivers Wilson to
France,

“ Then do take—your chance. ”
[At Constantinople.)

Says the Sultan to Dufeerin,
“ Lend me a suf’rin.”

Says Dueferin tothe Sultan,
“ Hem ! I ’m an adult ’un.” *

* Lovd Dufferin evidently
means to imply, as an answer to the
Sultan’s request for a loan. that
“ he was not born yesterday.”

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 67.

SIR HENRY JAMES, Q.C., M.P.,

In his famous Character of the Bribery-Bird Catcher.

CONVERSATION FOR A
HOSPITAL.

Why has the powder which
I have just taken such an ex-
ceedingly pungent and bitter
taste ?

Now, that I examine the
pajier containing the powder,
I fmd a card attached to it,
stating it to be “ Poison.” Is
tUis the usual designation for
Qninine ?

If there is no special place
set apart for medicines, I
should be obliged if you would
kindly not mix mine with the
morphia, aconite, laudanum,
and oxalic acid powders in the
basket now lying on the table.

If neither the Sister, the
Nurse, the House Physician,
or the Dispenser are respon-
sible for the proper medicines
being administered to me,
would you have me removed
at once to my own house for
further treatment ?

Why does the Hospital Dis-
penser put his Poisons and his
Medicines in precisely similar
wrappages ?

The Doctor and the pretty
Sister seem to be discussing
my symptoms at considerable
length.

I wonder if the Nurse is
doing right in bandaging the
artisan’s broken head with
brown paper soaked in solu-
tion of turpentine, witkout
consulting the Doctor ?

Supposing I am killed in
this Hospital, will a Jury
bring in a verdict of Man-
slaughter against anybody ?

Now that I ha.ve swallowed
five grains of Prussic Acid,
given to me by mistake for
Quinine Powder, perhaps you
will kindly have my Executors
communicated with, and tell
me the name of a good Under-
taker in this neighbourhood.

OUR COUNTRY COUSINS.

(A Recreational Tragedy, adapted freely from some current announce•

ments.)

The Coffee-room of a second-class West End Family Hotel. Count.ry
Cousin discovered with^a daily paper, deeply absorbed in perusal
of several columns of theatrical advertisements.

Country Cousin (rising suddenly and fiinging up his arms in
despair). I thought so ! (Reads.) “Mr. and Mrs. Bancroft beg to

state that their rights in the Robertsonian comedies will shortly
expire, and Ours, Caste, and School, therefore, can only be played
again for a fixed number of nights.” (Repeating the words with
icy calmness.) For a fixed nurnber of nights ! Ha ! it is a terrible
—nay, a horrible and thunderstriking announcement! And all
London raving must even now be struggling for places. It is
iiseless, evidently to try to get in at the Haymarket! And on all
sides the same appalling story of delirious success greets me. Yet
must I leave Town to-morrow. I see it! I can get in nowhere. I
shall see nuthing. [ Collapses over paper, and burHs into tears.

Waiter (gently). Do not be downhearted, Sir. It isn’t quite so
bad as that: for there is a bit of' room somewhere. Now, I ’ve hearcl
that at The Wells-

Is proceeding to explam tlie quickest way ofgetting to Islington,
when another Country Cousin rushes in wildly, without his
hat and umbrella, and his collar off, and fiings himself
exhausted into a chair.

First Country Cousin (approaching him eagerly). Ha ! You have
returned ! And alive ! Well,—and yon have got ?-

Second Country Cousin. Nothing ! The Advertisements only too
graphically—and too accurately—tell the fatal truth. The success
is widespread and colossal; and this is all I have been able to
secure. See! a couple of dress-circle places for a matinee at the
King’s Cross, for next October ! [Produces the tickets.

First Country Cousin. Alas! It is not mnch. Yet I looked for-
ward to the “ terrific excitement ” promised by the Sole Proprietors
of the Adelphi! Look ! (He points fiercely to the advertisement.)
The acting is splendid : the scenery is magniiicent: the mechanical
effects are marvellous : the music is by Mr. Karl Meydee : the
whole is produced—mark you- produced nnder the direction of Mr.
Charles Warner, and there are no fees for booking ! Ha ! ha,
what cruel mockery, when there is evidently nothing left to book !

Second Country Cousin. Evidently nothing! (Bitterly.) Yes,

success that is surging on all sides proves, we must fairly confess it,
too much for ns. The first-class theatres are all surrounded, from
morning till night, by well-dressed hut armed and angry mobs of
pleasure-seekers, whose crowded ranks it is impossible to penetrate;
whtle Pantomime is only to be witnessed at the risk of life itself.

First Country Cousin. True ! You are right! (Throws down
advertisement slieet.) But the papers shall warn us. We will relin-
quish the West, and, doing five inferior East-End music-halls in
one evening, ret.urn to-morrow to our native hills—possibly sadder,
but wiser men ! We will not struggle with success !

Second Country Cousin. Yet the ballet at the Snrrey is adver-
tised as “ chaste,” and there is, we are told, throughout the cultured
fun of Messrs. Conquest and Meritt, “ nothing to offend ”—not
even the permanently hysterical roar of the man in the Box-Offioe,
who, having once looked in for a few minutes at the back of the