PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI.
VERY EISHY LEGISLATION.
Hip, Hip, Hooray! Three Chairs for the Copperation, and three Chairs for
the House of Lords! Hidn’t I say as the Copperation conld depend on ’em ?
Why in eonrse they conld. They acts on the same principals, and when they
has to decide atween a sacred Chakteb, for the rich and a lot of most common
Fish for the Poor of the Low East End of London, who conld dowbt the resnlt?
Why Brown tells me there was a reel live Dook in the Chair, and 2 Erls and 2
Barrens, and wen onr saered Charter was hrot in hy the Copperation Charter
Keeper and handed to the Hook, there was qnite a hawderhel bnzz of admera-
shnn, and no wnnder as it was more than 500 long ears old, and all written in
snch old Lattin as even the Dook conldn’t read it tho’ he is a Irishman.
So then both the Erls tried, bnt it wasn’t no go, and then the 2 Barrens
tried, hoth together, hnt they were as harren as the Erls and couldn’t make
nothink of it, and so they was obligated to ask the poor Charter Keeper to read
it, tho’ they was snch Noble Swells, and he blushing all the wile like a grate
school gal, red it all otf withont wunce taking his hreth.
Of conrse that settled the whole matter, and if the poor low peeple at the East
End wants more fish they mnst go more than 7 miles to get it, and then they
won’t he a flying in the face of the uncommon sense of the Sacred Charter of
Edoabi) the 3d.
And now let me call speshal atention to the kind and generous and nobelmanly
way in which the Dook and the Erls and the Barrens and the grand old
Copperation _all combined together to let the Poor down easy. They acshally
passed the Bill! and then they jest added two little clawses. One was, that if
the Copperation shonld think as how the little Shadwel Market was a going
to pay, that they shonld have the right to bny it np at cost price, so as to git
all the profit and let a lot of eommon people rnn all the risk. Wasn’t that jest
a clever dodge ? Bbown says he thinks it ’s qnite worthy of ’em all, and even of
Sir Edwabd Bodgek, himseif, hnt then Brown will exadgerate so. But I thinks
as the other claws is the cleverest of the 2, and heats amost anythink excep
old Port and dry Shampain. It is so jolly clever that I ’m afeard nobody wonl
heleeve me when I says it, but it ’s religiously true.
They 'av acshatty ordered that every pound of the commonest fish as goes into
poor httle Shadwell Market to feed the werry commonest kind of people, shall
pay the werry same toll as the werry finest Sammon as
gos into lovely Billingsgate to feed such emmenent swells
as Dooks and Common Counselmen; so that any de-
fishansy as happens at Billingsgate, cos peeple prefers
goin to a New Market mainly because it happens to be
big and clean and comfortabel, shall be made up from
Shadwell, so as that the Grand old Copperation shan't
lose a copper by tlie alteration.
I calls that somethink subblimo! Screwing ont tup-
pence or thrippence from the costermongers to pay for
Turtel and Champainj and serve ’em rite. What rites
had they to go and give snch evidense about poor dear
Billingsgate being so filthy, and so scrowged, and so
little, that they was all a-serambling over one another,
when a most respectabel Salesman, who doesn’t make a
mnch better income than the Prime Minister, aeshally
says that it’s a beantiful Market, and plenty big ennff
for him, and another gent who ’s got a nice bit of prop-
perty in the nayberhood says all it wants is a hetter
aproach jewdishnslie made!
Ah, I never knowed ’till last week what sly fellers
some of the werry highest of onr Harrystockracy is, and
how werry dearly they does love a good praetikle joke.
I see there ’s a talk of asking the House of Common
Counselmen to npset the hole derangement, hnt who
cares for the Commons when the blnming Lords shines
upon yer all serene. Bobert.
CAUSE AND EFFECT.
Eminent Provincial Tragedian. “ Oome hithorr, Sweet One ! Yotte. Mothorr
TELLS ME THAT YQU SHED TEORRS DURING MY SOLILOQUY IN ExILE, LAST
NIGHT ! ”
Sweet One. “Yes, Sir. Mother kept on Pinching me, ’cause I was so
Sleepy ! ”
LAYS OE A LAZY MINSTREL.
A capital luncheon I ’ve had at the “ Lion,”
I ’ve drifted down here with the light Snmmer breeze ;
I land at the bank, where the turf ’s brown and dry on,
And lazily list to the music of trees !
Ob. sweet is the air, with a perfume of clover,
Oh, sleepy the eattle in Bemenham meads!
The lull of the lasher is soothing, moreover,
The wind whistles low in the stream-stricken reeds!
With sail closely furled, and a weed incandeseent—
Made fast to a post is the swift Shuttlecock—
I think yon will own ’tis uncommonlv pleasant
To dream and do nothing by Hambledon Lock!
How a harge hlunders through, overbearing and shahby,
With its captain asleep, and his wife in command;
Then a boatful of beanties for Medmenham Abbey,
And a cargo of campers all tired and tanned.
Two duffers eollide, they don’t know what they ’re doing—
They ’re both in the ways of the water unskilled—-
But here is the Infant, so great at canoeing,
Sweet, sancy, short-skirted, and snowily frilled.
I notice the tint of a ribbon or feather,
The ripple of rufiie, the fashion of frock ;
I languidly laze in the sweet Snmmer weather,
And mnse o’er the maidens hy Hambledon Lock !
What valne they give to the hright panorama—
Oh, had I the pencil of Millais or Sandys !—
The lasses with snnshades from far Yokohama,
The pretty girl-scullers with pretty brown hands!
Hext the Syren steams in ; see the kind-eyed old colley,
On the deck, in the snn, how he loves to recline!
Hote the well-ordered eraft and its Skipper so jolly,
With friends, down to Marlow, he ’s taking to dlne.
In the snng-cnrtained cabin, I can’t help espying
A dew-clouded tankard of seltzer-and-hock,
And a plateful of peaches big habies are trying,
I note, as thev glide ont of Hambledon Lock!
A punt passes in, with Waltonians laden,
And boatman rugose of mahogany hne ;
And then comes a yonth and a sunny-haired maiden
Who sit vis-a-vis in their hasswood canoe.
Now look at the Admiral steering the Fairy,
Oh, where could he find a much better crew thau
His dntiful danghters, Flo, Nina, and Mary,
Who row with snch grace in his trim-bnilt randan ?
I muse while the water is ebbing and flowing,
I silently smoke and serenely take stock
Of countless Thames toilers, now coming now going,
Who take a pink ticket at Hambledon Lock !
A Female Fenian Shbscription to Secret Society
Fund.—The Widow’s Dyna-mite.