DOI Heft:
June 24, 1882
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17752#0306
300
FUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 24. 1882.
GROSVENOR GEMS.
No. 204. Can’t find tbis in the Gr. G.’s prao-
tical-joke Catalogue. But it seems to repre-
sent Suffering Torchers—without their Clothes.
No. 229.* “ I 'll give it him hot! ” The very com-
plete Letter-Writer.
No. 226.* “Sic Transit”; or, Halfway between
Doyer and Calais, and nearly “all over ” with him.
No. 221.* Miss Elien Terry and au objectionable
Critic. A Hiss-trionic subject.
No. 47. Colney H-atch. EscapedLady No. 16. A-lass ! Quite so! Also a- No. 29. Hamlet Junior. “ The No. 173. This number we cannot find
with Double-headed Dog. R. W. lack—of a good deal. H. Schmalz. Colly-er Dog will have his day.” in its proper place in the G. G.’s
Macbeth. (Ah! Duneanis avenged!) Mrs. J. Collier. eceentric Catalogue. But we thinlc
* Can’t find these three numbers in their proper place in the Catalogue, which jumps froni 167 to 252. Subtle a L ncy -P° V rN
and sesthetic joke,no doubt, but we should prefer a plain and simple arrangement in black and white to this eccentric . 10 °P e> m 18 01 P> prtpai-
Wbistlerianism. lng t0 nammer out an iaea-
fmpleasantly consciotis that he had most likely ruined his political
future. After a bucketful of black coffee, he spent the next six hours
'writing explanatory letters of a feeble and vague nature to news-
paper Editors. But these did not save him from the thong of his
irate Whip. Meanwhile, the Pickpocket, who had feloniously
acquired the watch, immediately imagined himself to he a Burglar,
ancl was promptly taken up by a Detective for housebreaking, while,
shortly afterwar'ds, the Detective, thinking himself the Director of
Criminal Investigation, was putunder arrestfor insulting a Sergeant.
Concurrently, Mr. Basiiington Binks, having received hack his
own chronometer, packed up the Grold Watch in a cardhoard box,
and directed it to the Squire’s Son. Being of an economical turn of
mind, and on had terms with the Postmaster-General, he did not
register the parcel. Etis speech in the House somewhat nettled him,
hut, hefelt that he had no need totake it seriously to heart, for being
a Cahinet Minister, he had become accustomed to eating his owu
words. The watch was, in course of transmission, stolen by a dis-
honest Postman, who forthwith imagined himself to be a Pillar-box,
deiivered no letters, and stood at ,the corners of streets with his
mouth open. Here he was found by his sister, who was a Ballet-
girl at a spectacular Theatre. She, imagining him to be overcome
by gin, and foreseeing disastrous consequences, emptied his pockets,
and took the watch with her to the playhouse. That night her
wonted light trip was changed to that of a Tragedian-like stride,
and, at the close of the performance, she was abruptly dismissed by
the Stage Manager for marring his grandest choreographic effect.
The Silver Watch had now, pending the trial of the Pickpocket,
and the investigatkm of the Detective’s conduct, passed into the
hands of a hardworking Police-clerk, who promptly took upon him-
self _the airs of a young man-about-town, put a toothpick between
his lips, bought a Stall at a West-End theatre, and afterwards hung
about the stage-door just as the unfortunate Ballet-girl came out,
sobbing and crying at the loss of her situation. The Police-clerk,
who was naturally kindhearted, had now become remarkably forward,
as befitting his new capacity, and hastened to inquire into the cause
of her woe, with the most gallant air imaginable. The maiden was
anxious for sympathy, and too stricken with grief not to listen to the
consoling voice of the cavalier. Knowing, too, the eonsolation of food,
she further accepted an invitation to supper at a French restaurant.
After the repast, the Clerk, forgetting the little difference between
meum, tuum, and suum, begged the lady’s acceptance of the Silver
Watch. With some reluctance she consented to take the gift, but,
presto ! scarcely had she done so, when the influence of the One
neutralised the effect of the Other. Rising up, with virtuous in-
dignation starting from every pore, she soundly boxed the wretched
Clerk’s ears, and started to walk toher home in Lambeth, over West-
minster Bridge. Half-way across, she remembered the watches.
“ Perhaps Jim,” (her brother) “ who is rather light-fingered, stole
it! ” she thought, in a fright, and took the Grold Watcb from her
pocket. “ And I ’ve no doubt the other man is as bad. I ’ll get rid
of both.”
Acting under the impulse, and not without a sigh of regret at the
extravagance, she first threw the Silver Watch into the Thames.
As it touched the water, the stream raced along so fast as to well-
nigh carry away the tugs anchored in the tide, and to seriously.
endanger the piles of Waterloo Bridge ; and, indeed, the Southwark
householders seriously thought that an inundation was upon them ;
but when the Grold Watch joined its companion, the river resumed-
its wonted appearance. The Ballet-girl passed on her way, lighter
in pocket, and, strange to say, in heart. I have since heard that
she is married to a pork-butcher. Merit is never unrewarded,
sooner or later.
In the interests of eivilisation, I implore no one to dredge in the
hope of recovering the Watches. See how they have corrupted
humanity already ! Be warned by the Curate, the Squire’s Son, the
two M.P.’s, the Postman, the Pickpoeket, the Detective, the Police-
Clerk, and the Ballet-girl; and, above all, remember that this story
is strictly true. It cannot be otherwise, for I wrote it.
Mks. Rahsbotham says the drawing-room of her dear friend,
Lady Corrvmongstee, is now so crowded with pick-a-back that it is
more like a Mausoleum than anything else.
FUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 24. 1882.
GROSVENOR GEMS.
No. 204. Can’t find tbis in the Gr. G.’s prao-
tical-joke Catalogue. But it seems to repre-
sent Suffering Torchers—without their Clothes.
No. 229.* “ I 'll give it him hot! ” The very com-
plete Letter-Writer.
No. 226.* “Sic Transit”; or, Halfway between
Doyer and Calais, and nearly “all over ” with him.
No. 221.* Miss Elien Terry and au objectionable
Critic. A Hiss-trionic subject.
No. 47. Colney H-atch. EscapedLady No. 16. A-lass ! Quite so! Also a- No. 29. Hamlet Junior. “ The No. 173. This number we cannot find
with Double-headed Dog. R. W. lack—of a good deal. H. Schmalz. Colly-er Dog will have his day.” in its proper place in the G. G.’s
Macbeth. (Ah! Duneanis avenged!) Mrs. J. Collier. eceentric Catalogue. But we thinlc
* Can’t find these three numbers in their proper place in the Catalogue, which jumps froni 167 to 252. Subtle a L ncy -P° V rN
and sesthetic joke,no doubt, but we should prefer a plain and simple arrangement in black and white to this eccentric . 10 °P e> m 18 01 P> prtpai-
Wbistlerianism. lng t0 nammer out an iaea-
fmpleasantly consciotis that he had most likely ruined his political
future. After a bucketful of black coffee, he spent the next six hours
'writing explanatory letters of a feeble and vague nature to news-
paper Editors. But these did not save him from the thong of his
irate Whip. Meanwhile, the Pickpocket, who had feloniously
acquired the watch, immediately imagined himself to he a Burglar,
ancl was promptly taken up by a Detective for housebreaking, while,
shortly afterwar'ds, the Detective, thinking himself the Director of
Criminal Investigation, was putunder arrestfor insulting a Sergeant.
Concurrently, Mr. Basiiington Binks, having received hack his
own chronometer, packed up the Grold Watch in a cardhoard box,
and directed it to the Squire’s Son. Being of an economical turn of
mind, and on had terms with the Postmaster-General, he did not
register the parcel. Etis speech in the House somewhat nettled him,
hut, hefelt that he had no need totake it seriously to heart, for being
a Cahinet Minister, he had become accustomed to eating his owu
words. The watch was, in course of transmission, stolen by a dis-
honest Postman, who forthwith imagined himself to be a Pillar-box,
deiivered no letters, and stood at ,the corners of streets with his
mouth open. Here he was found by his sister, who was a Ballet-
girl at a spectacular Theatre. She, imagining him to be overcome
by gin, and foreseeing disastrous consequences, emptied his pockets,
and took the watch with her to the playhouse. That night her
wonted light trip was changed to that of a Tragedian-like stride,
and, at the close of the performance, she was abruptly dismissed by
the Stage Manager for marring his grandest choreographic effect.
The Silver Watch had now, pending the trial of the Pickpocket,
and the investigatkm of the Detective’s conduct, passed into the
hands of a hardworking Police-clerk, who promptly took upon him-
self _the airs of a young man-about-town, put a toothpick between
his lips, bought a Stall at a West-End theatre, and afterwards hung
about the stage-door just as the unfortunate Ballet-girl came out,
sobbing and crying at the loss of her situation. The Police-clerk,
who was naturally kindhearted, had now become remarkably forward,
as befitting his new capacity, and hastened to inquire into the cause
of her woe, with the most gallant air imaginable. The maiden was
anxious for sympathy, and too stricken with grief not to listen to the
consoling voice of the cavalier. Knowing, too, the eonsolation of food,
she further accepted an invitation to supper at a French restaurant.
After the repast, the Clerk, forgetting the little difference between
meum, tuum, and suum, begged the lady’s acceptance of the Silver
Watch. With some reluctance she consented to take the gift, but,
presto ! scarcely had she done so, when the influence of the One
neutralised the effect of the Other. Rising up, with virtuous in-
dignation starting from every pore, she soundly boxed the wretched
Clerk’s ears, and started to walk toher home in Lambeth, over West-
minster Bridge. Half-way across, she remembered the watches.
“ Perhaps Jim,” (her brother) “ who is rather light-fingered, stole
it! ” she thought, in a fright, and took the Grold Watcb from her
pocket. “ And I ’ve no doubt the other man is as bad. I ’ll get rid
of both.”
Acting under the impulse, and not without a sigh of regret at the
extravagance, she first threw the Silver Watch into the Thames.
As it touched the water, the stream raced along so fast as to well-
nigh carry away the tugs anchored in the tide, and to seriously.
endanger the piles of Waterloo Bridge ; and, indeed, the Southwark
householders seriously thought that an inundation was upon them ;
but when the Grold Watch joined its companion, the river resumed-
its wonted appearance. The Ballet-girl passed on her way, lighter
in pocket, and, strange to say, in heart. I have since heard that
she is married to a pork-butcher. Merit is never unrewarded,
sooner or later.
In the interests of eivilisation, I implore no one to dredge in the
hope of recovering the Watches. See how they have corrupted
humanity already ! Be warned by the Curate, the Squire’s Son, the
two M.P.’s, the Postman, the Pickpoeket, the Detective, the Police-
Clerk, and the Ballet-girl; and, above all, remember that this story
is strictly true. It cannot be otherwise, for I wrote it.
Mks. Rahsbotham says the drawing-room of her dear friend,
Lady Corrvmongstee, is now so crowded with pick-a-back that it is
more like a Mausoleum than anything else.