DOI Heft:
February 18, 1882
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17752#0081
74
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVARI.
[February 18, 1882.
ACCOMMODATION.
Swell. “ Haav—’ro Small Change about me.”
Minstrel. “ Oh, don’t mention ’t, Sae. A Bob will do, Sar. And if
you 'll call at my Club to-morrow, Sar, the Hall Portar. will giye you
Sixpence back, Sar. My Kyabd, Sar, etc. ! ! ”
THE DIRGrE OF THE DINER.
A Restore- Wrong Rhymc.
“ Attexdance is charged in the Bill! ”
Delighted we sit down to dine ;
And order our food and our wine.
The waiter is passing polite,
We eat with a grand appetite
Of dishes compounded with skill.
The room is so cozy and light;
The glass and the silver are bright;
Our fiag of defiance is furled,
We seem all at peace with the world,
And rest quite contented until-
Attendance is charged one and nine.
We pay its collector a fine ;
And give to the waiter polite
A tip he regards as his right
And duty of ours to fulfil!
The carver, too, looks for a fee;
The man with our coat, so does he!
The porter expects something more,
Who calls us a cab at the door !-
“ Attendance is charged in the Bill! ”
Pleasant little party last week at Bristol, when Lord
Coleridge entertained an Uncommon Jury by directing
their attention to a precedent — The Queen v. Negas.
The Jury sat some time over the Negus, but decideil it
wasn’t strong enougli for them, and refused to swallow
it. Whereupon Lord Coleridge, whose only mistake
was perhaps that he didn’t give it ’em strong enough,
discharged them. This shows that Juries are not judges
—at all events, of Negus.
Unexpired Lease.
The Covent Garden Pantomime has taken one extra
week’s lease of life. The special attractions are a new
AEsthetic Quadrille by the Girards, and some “Demon
Revels by the Nelson family in which the statue from
Trafalgar Square, if he is only half as lively as the cele-
brated one in Don Giovanni, ought to join. He might come
down handsomely for once —and assistthe Covent Garden
crew, who are putting on a brilliant spurt for the finish,
and are to have the benefit of the week’s proceeds.
CA.B LAW.
Scene—In the City. Present—Mr. Alderhan Muddlecombe,
presiding. Police Officers and the British Puhlic generally
gazing in respectfid admiration of the ivorthy Alderman.
The Alderman (;to Clerk). Call on next case.
[Clerk calls out “ Sykes v. Jenhins.” A young Gent, of a rather
fast and loose appearance, stayids up infront of tlie Alder-
tnan, and an elderly Cabman steps into the Witness-box.
Alderman. Now, Cabman, where ’s your badge ?
Cabby. Here, yer Yurship.
\_Fumbling in his waistcoat-pocket and drawing out his badge.
Alderman. Better late than never. D’ye know, Cabman, that I
could fine you forty shillings and costs for coming before me without
your badge ?
Cabby. I ’ope yer Yurship won’t do it this time. I have druv
a cab these fourteen years, and niver fined a shillin’ in my life.
Alderman. Well, 1 shan’t fine you this time. But don’t you come
here again without showing your badge, that ’s all. Now, what
have you to say about this Gentleman ?
Cabby. I summon him for four-and-six, vich is my lofEul fare,
and he knows it.
Clerk. How do you make out four-and-six ?
Cabby. Weil, I takes liim up with two other gents in the City
Road, and I druv ’em fust to the Heagle, and was there a hour and
a half ; then to the Hangel, and then I druv him ’ome, and then he
only Lioffered me a couple _of bob, vich was not half my fare, and
so I summon him. So he flings his card at me, and says, “ Summon,
and be d-d ! ”
Clerk (to Cabby). Hansom or four-wheeler ?
Cabby. An ’Ansom, in coorse. Never druv a four-wheeler in my
life. Couldn’t do it, your Worship.
Alderman. There you are again. Three Gentlemen in a Hansom.
iou are liable to be tined forty shillings for that. You claim from
this Gentleman four-and-six, but you yourself are liable for not
wearing your badge, and carrying three in a Hansom four pounds,
or two months with hard labour. That is tlie law, Cabman, and
you know it. But, as you say your licence is clean, I shall let you
go this time.
Clerk (to Defendant). Have you anything to say ?
Defendant. Nothin’, Sir. I don’t remember nothin’ about it.
Alderman. Order for four-and-six, and half-a-crown costs.
Defendant. Yery well, Sir.
Cabby. A horder! I ax yer Yurship is this rite ? You say you
could send me to quod for two months slick off. But when I cums.
to ax my lofful fare, all I gets is a horder !
Clerk. Well, if he don’t pay, you can apply for a distress-
warrant.
Cabby. 0 a’coorse ! and I must pay summut more for that, and
not get my money arter all. I knows summut about a distress
warrant. Missus had one put in last weeli bv Skool Bord-
Alderman. Now, my good man, get along, you have got your
order.
Cabby. Well, yer Yurship, it ain’t rite. We Cabbies can be sent
to quod rite away if anybody eomplains agen us. But if we com-
plains agen anvbody you gives us a horder. And this is the Law.
Alderman. Yes, my good man, that ’s the Law. Call on next
case. \_Exit Defendant smiling, and Cabby somewhat crestfallen_
From a Correspondent.
Do Golden Eagles lay golden eggs ? If so, the person who killed
one in the Deer Forest, Invereshie, as reported in Truth last week,
can never have read uEsop’s Fables, or he would have lcnown
better.
[*** Our esteemed Ornithological authority, Nestor, is at preseut up a
tree, engaged in his usual pursuit of knowiedge. But we trust he wiLL desceud
to answer the above query.—Ed.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVARI.
[February 18, 1882.
ACCOMMODATION.
Swell. “ Haav—’ro Small Change about me.”
Minstrel. “ Oh, don’t mention ’t, Sae. A Bob will do, Sar. And if
you 'll call at my Club to-morrow, Sar, the Hall Portar. will giye you
Sixpence back, Sar. My Kyabd, Sar, etc. ! ! ”
THE DIRGrE OF THE DINER.
A Restore- Wrong Rhymc.
“ Attexdance is charged in the Bill! ”
Delighted we sit down to dine ;
And order our food and our wine.
The waiter is passing polite,
We eat with a grand appetite
Of dishes compounded with skill.
The room is so cozy and light;
The glass and the silver are bright;
Our fiag of defiance is furled,
We seem all at peace with the world,
And rest quite contented until-
Attendance is charged one and nine.
We pay its collector a fine ;
And give to the waiter polite
A tip he regards as his right
And duty of ours to fulfil!
The carver, too, looks for a fee;
The man with our coat, so does he!
The porter expects something more,
Who calls us a cab at the door !-
“ Attendance is charged in the Bill! ”
Pleasant little party last week at Bristol, when Lord
Coleridge entertained an Uncommon Jury by directing
their attention to a precedent — The Queen v. Negas.
The Jury sat some time over the Negus, but decideil it
wasn’t strong enougli for them, and refused to swallow
it. Whereupon Lord Coleridge, whose only mistake
was perhaps that he didn’t give it ’em strong enough,
discharged them. This shows that Juries are not judges
—at all events, of Negus.
Unexpired Lease.
The Covent Garden Pantomime has taken one extra
week’s lease of life. The special attractions are a new
AEsthetic Quadrille by the Girards, and some “Demon
Revels by the Nelson family in which the statue from
Trafalgar Square, if he is only half as lively as the cele-
brated one in Don Giovanni, ought to join. He might come
down handsomely for once —and assistthe Covent Garden
crew, who are putting on a brilliant spurt for the finish,
and are to have the benefit of the week’s proceeds.
CA.B LAW.
Scene—In the City. Present—Mr. Alderhan Muddlecombe,
presiding. Police Officers and the British Puhlic generally
gazing in respectfid admiration of the ivorthy Alderman.
The Alderman (;to Clerk). Call on next case.
[Clerk calls out “ Sykes v. Jenhins.” A young Gent, of a rather
fast and loose appearance, stayids up infront of tlie Alder-
tnan, and an elderly Cabman steps into the Witness-box.
Alderman. Now, Cabman, where ’s your badge ?
Cabby. Here, yer Yurship.
\_Fumbling in his waistcoat-pocket and drawing out his badge.
Alderman. Better late than never. D’ye know, Cabman, that I
could fine you forty shillings and costs for coming before me without
your badge ?
Cabby. I ’ope yer Yurship won’t do it this time. I have druv
a cab these fourteen years, and niver fined a shillin’ in my life.
Alderman. Well, 1 shan’t fine you this time. But don’t you come
here again without showing your badge, that ’s all. Now, what
have you to say about this Gentleman ?
Cabby. I summon him for four-and-six, vich is my lofEul fare,
and he knows it.
Clerk. How do you make out four-and-six ?
Cabby. Weil, I takes liim up with two other gents in the City
Road, and I druv ’em fust to the Heagle, and was there a hour and
a half ; then to the Hangel, and then I druv him ’ome, and then he
only Lioffered me a couple _of bob, vich was not half my fare, and
so I summon him. So he flings his card at me, and says, “ Summon,
and be d-d ! ”
Clerk (to Cabby). Hansom or four-wheeler ?
Cabby. An ’Ansom, in coorse. Never druv a four-wheeler in my
life. Couldn’t do it, your Worship.
Alderman. There you are again. Three Gentlemen in a Hansom.
iou are liable to be tined forty shillings for that. You claim from
this Gentleman four-and-six, but you yourself are liable for not
wearing your badge, and carrying three in a Hansom four pounds,
or two months with hard labour. That is tlie law, Cabman, and
you know it. But, as you say your licence is clean, I shall let you
go this time.
Clerk (to Defendant). Have you anything to say ?
Defendant. Nothin’, Sir. I don’t remember nothin’ about it.
Alderman. Order for four-and-six, and half-a-crown costs.
Defendant. Yery well, Sir.
Cabby. A horder! I ax yer Yurship is this rite ? You say you
could send me to quod for two months slick off. But when I cums.
to ax my lofful fare, all I gets is a horder !
Clerk. Well, if he don’t pay, you can apply for a distress-
warrant.
Cabby. 0 a’coorse ! and I must pay summut more for that, and
not get my money arter all. I knows summut about a distress
warrant. Missus had one put in last weeli bv Skool Bord-
Alderman. Now, my good man, get along, you have got your
order.
Cabby. Well, yer Yurship, it ain’t rite. We Cabbies can be sent
to quod rite away if anybody eomplains agen us. But if we com-
plains agen anvbody you gives us a horder. And this is the Law.
Alderman. Yes, my good man, that ’s the Law. Call on next
case. \_Exit Defendant smiling, and Cabby somewhat crestfallen_
From a Correspondent.
Do Golden Eagles lay golden eggs ? If so, the person who killed
one in the Deer Forest, Invereshie, as reported in Truth last week,
can never have read uEsop’s Fables, or he would have lcnown
better.
[*** Our esteemed Ornithological authority, Nestor, is at preseut up a
tree, engaged in his usual pursuit of knowiedge. But we trust he wiLL desceud
to answer the above query.—Ed.]