Punch (82.1882)

78

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIYARI. [February 18, 1882.

DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS.-THE ACTOR AND ACTRESS (SUBURBAN).

Uncle JacJc (a great Theatre-goer). “’Ullo, my Dears ! So you ’re going in for Private Theatricals, eh ? And what’s it
GOING TO BE ? ‘ ONLY A HALFPENNY !’ OR ‘ ICI ON PARLE FrANQAIS ' ?”

Eglert. “Oh no. Hothing of that sort. We are going to giye ‘The Cup,’ by Alfbed Tennyson.”

UndeJack. “You don’t say so. And where are you going to give it ? ”

Egbert. “A—here, in the Back Drawing-room.”

Uncle Jack. “ Well I never ! And who ’s going to take Ellen Terry’s part ? ’

Dorotliea (who flatters herself she bears a striking rcsemblance to that Lctdy). “ I am. ”

UncleJadc. “ Goodness graoious ! And have you invited anybody yet, besides myself?”

Dorothea. “ Oh yes. Everybody we know in London.”

Unde Jack. “ Gracious goodness ! And where are you going to put ’em all, if they come ? ”

Dorothea and Egbcrt. “Oh, that ’s tiieir look out, you know ! ”

AN ODD PAIL.

Air—“ The Cork Leg."

Oh, I ’ll tell yon a tale of North-amp-ton,

A town where a g’ood. deal of business is done
With leather and lasts, and St. Crispin ’s one
Of the principal Saints—though his saintship ’s fun—
Pd-tooral-looral, &c.

And the Sons of St. Crispin in North-amp-forc
Made a pair of shoes for a gent named John ;

But, alas ! when it came to putting them on,

There was such a shine as had seldom shone—
Ri-tooral-looral, &c.

The dexter shoe it was all very well;

It was shiny and smart, like the hat of a swell,

W rith a spick-and-span lookthat was worthy Pall-Mall,
From a toughish hide cut, the truth to tell—
Ri-tooral-looral, &c.

Some thought it a sort of a nondescript cross
’Twixt highlow and slipper ; noses would toss
And suggest that to lose it were no great loss,

But at least it had shapeliness, trimness, and gloss—
Ri-tooral-looral, &c.

But as for the other, a right-down “ slop,”

Slab in the sole and untidy of top ;

Heeling to port with inebriate liop,

Utter disgrace to Northampton shop —

Ri-tooral-looral, &e.

A Blunderbore troubled wit.h bunions might find
It a sort of a fit, and perhaps to his mind ;

It might do, did a Grimguffin feel so inclined,
Brobdignagian beetles to crush and grind—
Ri-tooral-looral, &e.

But for decent use of respectable gent
It plainly—too plainly—was never meant,

And Mr. John Buil aid not fail to vent
On the shoe and its makers his discontent—
Ri-tooral-looral, &c.

Cries he, “ An abortion, a bungle, a fright!

The dexter one pinches me rather tight,

But the left is a beast. Yah ! get out of my sight!

If your makers aren’t paid it. will serve ’em right! ’—
Ri-tooral-looral, &c.

So he kicked it off, and he kicked it out,

And some friends of this gent raised a gladsome shout;
But whether he ’s yet seen the end of the bout
It were bootless—just now—to inquire, no doubt—
Ri-tooral-looral, &e.