DOI Heft:
April 22, 1882
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17752#0189
182
PUNCH, OR TIIE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 22, 1882.
PROPHETIC !
Guest (late for Dirnier, the delicious odour of the Haggis, just coming up, met him in the Hall).
“ A-h !” (On second thoughts.) “ E-h ! I ’ll be bad the Morn ! ! ”
PROM A SPANISH SUNNY ’UN.
Spaih is one of those cotmtries in which too many Cooks have not succeeded in spoiling
the tours. The British tourist is a black swan in Spain, and a white elephant in Africa. The
reason is not far to seek. He has heen systematically frightened. Theytell him garlic will
be his food, and brigands his companions. They tell him that while he is merely robbed in
Italy, he will be skinned alive in Andalusia. They tell him that while soap is made in Castile,
it is as scarce as oysters in Whitstahle, or sausages in Epping. They tell him that the
Spaniards stick at everything and everybody, except trifles. They tell him that while in
hospitable countries a, knife and fork are always waiting for the traveller, in Spain it is the
knife without the fork. They ask him if he can live on black bread and rancid oil, and
driak wine which no chemist would sell as physic without a shudder. They tell him, in
fact, the pretty stories that are usually told to the Marines, and they succeed in keeping
his valuable custom for Italy, France, and Germany.
When the adventurous traveller disregards these warnings, and thinks and aets for him-
jself, he is surprised to find that a journey to Madrid is much like a journey to any other
continental capital. He has to put up with slow trains, and travel night after night—the
usual penalty of continental travelling—
but he is nct crammed in close carriages,
as in France, nor compelled to journey like
a Prince or an Englishman, as in Germany.
He gets travelling comforts at moderate
prices, and he finds the “ sleeping car ” an
accepted institution. As he draws within
fifty or sixty miles of Madrid, he finds
himself in a wild country, that looks like-
a gigantic stone-yard capable of employing
all the paupers of Europe. He crosses a
boundless desert of granite filled with fan-
tastic stone demons that grin like rough-
and-ready Sphinxes at the passing pas-
senger. He wonders if this can be the
place which is known to explorers as Stony
Stratford.
As he nears Madrid, the stone desert
changes to a sandy prairie, in which the
houses are planted. The outskirts of the
City look like patches of Notting Hill and
Bayswater dropped, here and there, in a
Spanish Sahara. The new houses are
strangely English, and strangely modern.
The city itself is like a small Brussels, with-
out the Flemish antiquities, and the oldest
parts of the place have a decided aspect of
the day before yesterday. With the most
wonderful history in the world enshrined in
books, not one page of this is stamped upon
the buildings. Paris, which has conquered
so many cities, has conquered Madrid, as
one day it will conquer London, with, or
without, the Channel Tunnel. The “ pot ”
and the “ chimney-pot ” hat are on the
heads of the men, though the mantilla still
clings to a few of the heads of the women.
The cloak has not heen altogether super-
seded by the overcoat, but it harmonises
very badly with the imported head-cover-
ing. Anything more absurdthan a Spanish
cloak and a London tall hat has yet to be
discovered amongst the numerous eccentri-
cities of costume.
Sung with. Great Applause at the
Horse-Guards.
“CaptaiD Burnaby’s balloon-voyage was, we
understand, looked upon with considerable dis-
favour by the authorities at the Horse Guards.”
Daily Paper.
How doth the lengthy Bhrnabee
Improve his afternoon,
By riding gaily o’er the sea,
Adrift in a balloon!
He surely must neglect his drill,
And slight the Horse Guards Blue ;
Ballooning finds some mischief still
Eor Ivhivan hands to do !
Spring—A Baa-Relief.
New Application oe the “ Eably
Closing Movement.”—The Cloture. (A
Sporting Inquirer wishes to know if this
makes any difference to the close time for
fish and game ?)
PUNCH, OR TIIE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 22, 1882.
PROPHETIC !
Guest (late for Dirnier, the delicious odour of the Haggis, just coming up, met him in the Hall).
“ A-h !” (On second thoughts.) “ E-h ! I ’ll be bad the Morn ! ! ”
PROM A SPANISH SUNNY ’UN.
Spaih is one of those cotmtries in which too many Cooks have not succeeded in spoiling
the tours. The British tourist is a black swan in Spain, and a white elephant in Africa. The
reason is not far to seek. He has heen systematically frightened. Theytell him garlic will
be his food, and brigands his companions. They tell him that while he is merely robbed in
Italy, he will be skinned alive in Andalusia. They tell him that while soap is made in Castile,
it is as scarce as oysters in Whitstahle, or sausages in Epping. They tell him that the
Spaniards stick at everything and everybody, except trifles. They tell him that while in
hospitable countries a, knife and fork are always waiting for the traveller, in Spain it is the
knife without the fork. They ask him if he can live on black bread and rancid oil, and
driak wine which no chemist would sell as physic without a shudder. They tell him, in
fact, the pretty stories that are usually told to the Marines, and they succeed in keeping
his valuable custom for Italy, France, and Germany.
When the adventurous traveller disregards these warnings, and thinks and aets for him-
jself, he is surprised to find that a journey to Madrid is much like a journey to any other
continental capital. He has to put up with slow trains, and travel night after night—the
usual penalty of continental travelling—
but he is nct crammed in close carriages,
as in France, nor compelled to journey like
a Prince or an Englishman, as in Germany.
He gets travelling comforts at moderate
prices, and he finds the “ sleeping car ” an
accepted institution. As he draws within
fifty or sixty miles of Madrid, he finds
himself in a wild country, that looks like-
a gigantic stone-yard capable of employing
all the paupers of Europe. He crosses a
boundless desert of granite filled with fan-
tastic stone demons that grin like rough-
and-ready Sphinxes at the passing pas-
senger. He wonders if this can be the
place which is known to explorers as Stony
Stratford.
As he nears Madrid, the stone desert
changes to a sandy prairie, in which the
houses are planted. The outskirts of the
City look like patches of Notting Hill and
Bayswater dropped, here and there, in a
Spanish Sahara. The new houses are
strangely English, and strangely modern.
The city itself is like a small Brussels, with-
out the Flemish antiquities, and the oldest
parts of the place have a decided aspect of
the day before yesterday. With the most
wonderful history in the world enshrined in
books, not one page of this is stamped upon
the buildings. Paris, which has conquered
so many cities, has conquered Madrid, as
one day it will conquer London, with, or
without, the Channel Tunnel. The “ pot ”
and the “ chimney-pot ” hat are on the
heads of the men, though the mantilla still
clings to a few of the heads of the women.
The cloak has not heen altogether super-
seded by the overcoat, but it harmonises
very badly with the imported head-cover-
ing. Anything more absurdthan a Spanish
cloak and a London tall hat has yet to be
discovered amongst the numerous eccentri-
cities of costume.
Sung with. Great Applause at the
Horse-Guards.
“CaptaiD Burnaby’s balloon-voyage was, we
understand, looked upon with considerable dis-
favour by the authorities at the Horse Guards.”
Daily Paper.
How doth the lengthy Bhrnabee
Improve his afternoon,
By riding gaily o’er the sea,
Adrift in a balloon!
He surely must neglect his drill,
And slight the Horse Guards Blue ;
Ballooning finds some mischief still
Eor Ivhivan hands to do !
Spring—A Baa-Relief.
New Application oe the “ Eably
Closing Movement.”—The Cloture. (A
Sporting Inquirer wishes to know if this
makes any difference to the close time for
fish and game ?)