DOI issue:
May 6, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17752#0220
May 6, 1882.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
HINTS TO iRISHMEN.
(By Pliil Hibernns ?)
To ihe Ieish Pea-
sahts.—Th.at you are
the finest peasantry in
the world, I need not
repeat. Yon knowit.
You are virtuous; you
are brave and chival-
rous. But you can-
not he too careful in
concealing every trace
of these two latter
qualities. To ham-
string a cowis a cheap,
effectual, and compa-
ratively saf'e way of
showing your hatred
of the Saxon ; and,
after all, as the muti-
lated animal must be
killed and eaten, you
at once lower the price
of beef in your own
neighbourhood, and
lessen the ruinous ex-
portation of Irish
cattle to England.
In landlord-shoot-
ingthe chief point is
the selection of a pro-
per victim. If you
know of a very hard
landlord, who is also a
good shot, and a man
not likely to run away
if you miss him, I
would advise you to
leave him alone. The enterprise is not worth the risk, especially as
j you can find so many of a different character. Choose, if possible,
an old man, of good property, who has always been a fair landlord,
hut who has lately been compelled to evict a tenant. But above all
things be careful to confine your wild justice of revenge to Ireland.
As long as you do so, the English peoplewill not, seemingly, take much
j notice of your acts ; but if you were to carry out any of your threats
of blowing up English gaols or other buildings, I fear it would cause
measures to be adopted which you would find very inconvenient.
In electing your representatives to the alien Parliament, be careful
to exclude for thefuture anyone who is likely to show in the House
the ordinary courtesies and aecencies of civilised life. If you could
find sixty Members like the amiable gentleman who lately suggested
that the Premier’s son should have thereversion of Maewood’s ofiice,
I verily believe you would soon get the English Pai'liament all to
yourselves. And so ‘ ‘ God save Ireland ! ”—but from whom and from
what, my space does not allow me to state.
THE EEYOLT OE BACCHUS.
A TRAGEDY OF TO-DAY.
Chancelior of the Exchequer (cheerily, but with deeply-disseniblecl
doubt). What, Baechus, off your barrel, which so long
You ’ve straddled ? Hope, dear boy, there ’s nothing wrong !
Bacchus. No ; but I think I ’ll try a ehange of attitude.
Chancellor of the Exchequer (seriously alarmed). Ahem ! You have
so fully earned my gratitude,
That I ’m solicitous about your—health.
You ’re so conducive to our national-
Bacchus [drily). Wealth?
Chancellor ofthe Exchequer (persuasively). Nay, I was going to say
our joy and jollity.
Bacchus. My barrel seems the basis of your polity-
Chancellor of the Exchequer (deprecatingly). Why, hardly that,
but—well, I hope we may
Expect your—usual support ?
Bacchus (indifferently). Oan’t say.
Chancellor of the Exchequer [agitatedly]. Bacchus, what shall we
do if you don’t back us ?
Shape empty Budgets—and Joiin Bdxl will saek us.
Come, have a glass, to show that there ’s no malice-
Bacchus (coolly). Thanks, no. I think I ’ll try the Coffee Palace !
[Leaves his barrel, chucks away his vine-wreath, and strolls into
C. P., leaving the Chancellor of the Exchequer tearing his
hair without.
Tee Superior Critics on the First Act of Mr. Gladstone’s New
and very Original Irish Erama.—“ This Act wants a considerable
amount ’of alteration before the Curtain can fall on a satisfactory
denoument. The piece is evidently intended to be in three Acts.
The directions for the management of crowds show the Author to be
imperfectly acquainted with practical Stage-business.”
Mr. G. to liis Superior Critics.—“ Admit the Act does not come
out as well as I had imagined. I think there are some good effects.
The ‘ Supers ’ rather spoil it. I shall alter the cast: and to begin
with, substitute Spencer for Cowper. A chorus of prisoners is
effective in Fidelio, but I am beginning to have my doubts as to
whether the prisoners are any use to me at all. I may work them
into a little fareical piece in one Act, adapted from the French,
entitled The Cloture, with which, however, I have not made much
progress.”
“ She Stoops to Conqtjer.”—Mrs. Langtry at the Standard
Theatre, E.C. __
A Statue oe Gladstone !— 0 Joy!
Why shotildn’t a good old economxcal Fashion be revived in Rotten Row, as sdggested by our last Week’s Royal Wedding
Cartoon ? Why not ? It ’s entirely a matter of a Pillion.
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
HINTS TO iRISHMEN.
(By Pliil Hibernns ?)
To ihe Ieish Pea-
sahts.—Th.at you are
the finest peasantry in
the world, I need not
repeat. Yon knowit.
You are virtuous; you
are brave and chival-
rous. But you can-
not he too careful in
concealing every trace
of these two latter
qualities. To ham-
string a cowis a cheap,
effectual, and compa-
ratively saf'e way of
showing your hatred
of the Saxon ; and,
after all, as the muti-
lated animal must be
killed and eaten, you
at once lower the price
of beef in your own
neighbourhood, and
lessen the ruinous ex-
portation of Irish
cattle to England.
In landlord-shoot-
ingthe chief point is
the selection of a pro-
per victim. If you
know of a very hard
landlord, who is also a
good shot, and a man
not likely to run away
if you miss him, I
would advise you to
leave him alone. The enterprise is not worth the risk, especially as
j you can find so many of a different character. Choose, if possible,
an old man, of good property, who has always been a fair landlord,
hut who has lately been compelled to evict a tenant. But above all
things be careful to confine your wild justice of revenge to Ireland.
As long as you do so, the English peoplewill not, seemingly, take much
j notice of your acts ; but if you were to carry out any of your threats
of blowing up English gaols or other buildings, I fear it would cause
measures to be adopted which you would find very inconvenient.
In electing your representatives to the alien Parliament, be careful
to exclude for thefuture anyone who is likely to show in the House
the ordinary courtesies and aecencies of civilised life. If you could
find sixty Members like the amiable gentleman who lately suggested
that the Premier’s son should have thereversion of Maewood’s ofiice,
I verily believe you would soon get the English Pai'liament all to
yourselves. And so ‘ ‘ God save Ireland ! ”—but from whom and from
what, my space does not allow me to state.
THE EEYOLT OE BACCHUS.
A TRAGEDY OF TO-DAY.
Chancelior of the Exchequer (cheerily, but with deeply-disseniblecl
doubt). What, Baechus, off your barrel, which so long
You ’ve straddled ? Hope, dear boy, there ’s nothing wrong !
Bacchus. No ; but I think I ’ll try a ehange of attitude.
Chancellor of the Exchequer (seriously alarmed). Ahem ! You have
so fully earned my gratitude,
That I ’m solicitous about your—health.
You ’re so conducive to our national-
Bacchus [drily). Wealth?
Chancellor ofthe Exchequer (persuasively). Nay, I was going to say
our joy and jollity.
Bacchus. My barrel seems the basis of your polity-
Chancellor of the Exchequer (deprecatingly). Why, hardly that,
but—well, I hope we may
Expect your—usual support ?
Bacchus (indifferently). Oan’t say.
Chancellor of the Exchequer [agitatedly]. Bacchus, what shall we
do if you don’t back us ?
Shape empty Budgets—and Joiin Bdxl will saek us.
Come, have a glass, to show that there ’s no malice-
Bacchus (coolly). Thanks, no. I think I ’ll try the Coffee Palace !
[Leaves his barrel, chucks away his vine-wreath, and strolls into
C. P., leaving the Chancellor of the Exchequer tearing his
hair without.
Tee Superior Critics on the First Act of Mr. Gladstone’s New
and very Original Irish Erama.—“ This Act wants a considerable
amount ’of alteration before the Curtain can fall on a satisfactory
denoument. The piece is evidently intended to be in three Acts.
The directions for the management of crowds show the Author to be
imperfectly acquainted with practical Stage-business.”
Mr. G. to liis Superior Critics.—“ Admit the Act does not come
out as well as I had imagined. I think there are some good effects.
The ‘ Supers ’ rather spoil it. I shall alter the cast: and to begin
with, substitute Spencer for Cowper. A chorus of prisoners is
effective in Fidelio, but I am beginning to have my doubts as to
whether the prisoners are any use to me at all. I may work them
into a little fareical piece in one Act, adapted from the French,
entitled The Cloture, with which, however, I have not made much
progress.”
“ She Stoops to Conqtjer.”—Mrs. Langtry at the Standard
Theatre, E.C. __
A Statue oe Gladstone !— 0 Joy!
Why shotildn’t a good old economxcal Fashion be revived in Rotten Row, as sdggested by our last Week’s Royal Wedding
Cartoon ? Why not ? It ’s entirely a matter of a Pillion.