Punch (82.1882)

PUNCH, OR THE LONHON CHARIYARL

[January 14, I8ez.

EYERYDAY PANGERS.

[A Letter to the Editor.)

Sir,—There is not, of course, one law for the rich and another for
fhe poor, though occasionally its administration would lead the
attentive ohserver to suppose so. But there is one way of managing
the traffic in the most fashionable quarter of the West and the most
commercial quarter in the East which is admirable, and quite
another way of mismanaging the traffic midway ’twixt East and
West, which is the very opposite of admirable. Eor instance, at the
top of Little Queen Street, Holborn, which is the

“ Dirtiest, muddiest,

Sloppiest, slippiest,

Sloskiest place in the world ! ”

the traffic converges from the four quarters, cabs, vans, carts, trucks,
and omnibuses uniting to make confusion worse confounded.

Gfenerally there is a Policeman on duty, doing nothing (which may
be according to instructions) until aroused to a sense of what ought
to be his duty by some indignant foot-passenger who has vainly at-
tempted to cross the road, been nearly run over three times, had his
coat covered with mud, and been fiercely sworn at (of course) in con-
sequence. Sometimes there are two Policemen, but as they are either
exchanging civilities—they belong to the civil executive—or com-
paring nuts, they cannot be expected to afford any particular assist-
ance until a furniture van, two dray carts, a parcels delivery cart,
some coal carts, a few cabs and an omnibus or two get inextrieably

mixed up, and then it occurs to the Force that it is time to say,
mildly, “ Now then—move on ! ”

The same thing atthe bottom of Chancery Lane. Here any person
of suicidal tendencies may “ make a Juggernaut of hisself ” with
very little chance of having the execution of his design interfered
with by the Police—whose representative I have f'requently noticed
on one side of the Lane, staring at nothing in particuLar (perhaps he
was a poet), or chatting pleasantly with a damsel, who probably
“ wanted to know” ; or, on the other side, engaged in conversation
with the grizzled warrior of affable manners, who, in a sort of uni-
form, stands as sentry on duty in front of the stationer’s shop at
the corner, and whose general appearance would be decidedly im-
posing, but for a bad habit of putting his hands in his poekets,
which slightly detracts from his dignity, but probably adds to his
comfort.

Whatever the social attractions of the Fleet Street end of Chancery
Lane may be for the Police, its dangers, arising from want of proper
regulation of traffic, are certainly great, though not hy one-fourth
equal to those at the Holborn end of Little Q,ueen Street.

Hoping, Sir, that Sir Edmttnd Henderson will see to this hefore
some serious accident happens,

I am, Mr. Punch, yours,

A Stop-at-the-Corner-Young-Man.

Mrs. RaksbothajVI tells us that her Nephew will shortly leave
England, as his regiment is the next on the rostrum for foreign
service.

IMPRESSION DU

theAtre.

(“ Miss Hardcastle ” at the
Maymarket.)

How dull, how drear this
vulgar world rnust seem
To such a One as thou,
who oft hast talked,

On equal terms, with
Royalty, and walked
’Mid thine own portraits
in the Academe,

Where once, indeed, there
gathered such a stream
Of gazers as heheld thee,
next, portrayed,

’Mid high-born dames,
as that Phaeacian maid
Odysseus, in “cool olives,”
caused to scream!

Ah! wert thou weary of
that common day
Which in each Studio lit
those velvet blooms,
The heavy glare of
Fashion’s scentedrooms
That now, enamoured of
the classic ray
Of yon wan foot-lights,
thou hast come to show
The world thy Beauty—-
lighted from helow!

The Flow of Charity.

Wanted, hy the Charity
Organisation Society, a
Dynamo-Machine so con-
j structed that it will serve
j to “ store charitable energy,

' and despatch, with the
least waste on the way, the
current where it might be
required most.” Yes, and
also to subdivide the cur-
rent at the various inter-
vals where its beneficent
operation is most desirable,
so as to produee at each
point an incandescence in
the conducting medium of
sufficient intensity for the
difiusion of relief.

RIGHT AND TITLE.

Whatever name Mr.
Comyns Carr has given
the dramatic adaptation
from Mr. Hardy’s novel,
it _ is possible that the
original title, Far from
the Maddmg Crowd, will
be the one most appro-
priate. This version, owing
to the prior production of
Mr. Pinero’s Squire, will
doubtless never see the
gaslight, and a life of
pigeon-hole seclusion is
before it. A deal of non-
sense has heen written on
this suhject about a no-
velist’s rights, but these
rights, as far as the Stage
is concerned, exist only in
the imagination. The law
gives the novelist no dra-
matic rights in his work,
but, on the contrary, takes
them away ; and those who
aredissatisfied withthe law
should try to get it altered.

The Jour de L’Ane.

This is generally called
the Jour de VAn, but as >
the negociations for a Com-
mercial Treaty were finally (
broken off on this day, per-
haps the change of title
may not he deemed inap-
propriate. Protection, and
the love of Indirect or
Secret Taxation have pre-
vailed, and the forty mil-
lions of French population
are condemned to a long
and indefinite term of dear
clothing, for the special
benefit of a few hundreds
of French woollen manu-
facturers. The mistake
has prohably been in over
negociation. One French-
man is equal to four Scotch
Jews in higgling over a
bargain.

WILKIE COLLINS,

As the Man in White doing Ink-and-Penance for having Written the

Black Bobe.

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS -No. 66.