Punch (82.1882)

of general approval of Art, the Moon, Wine, and Republicanism, to
which latter, it is no seeret, that he has sought to convert English
Royalty. Asked whether it was not part of his mission to cement the
Friendship hetween England and America, the Poetreplied, “ Why,
cert’nly! ” with a slightly nasal Eaglish accent. He says that at the
present moment he is undeeided as to whether or no he shall pass
the remainder of his days with ns.

EEE-SIBLE ?

It appears that the Authorities in China, in a decree which a Cor-
respondent justly defines as a“model one for a Paternal Govern-
ment,” inasmuch as in it “ argument, entreaty, objurgation,
exposition, threats, are all mingled in due proportions,” have heen
interfering with the Doctors’ fees, and the price they charge their
patients for the hire of their chair-coolies. They also have intimated
their disgust at the Medical Profession in general, for their hesitation
about getting up at all hours in the night, and coming out in any
sort of weather ; and are further incensed at the fact that they object
to make their “round of calls” before One p.m. daily. In some
respects _we seem decidedly in advance of our Mongolian brethren.
No English M.D. who has an eye to business, as yet minds a night call
°r a rainy day. But here the contrast ends. Unluckily, from the
patient’s point of view, there is nothing to protect him from the
apparently increasing scale of fees, as the modest old-fashioned
guinea is rapidly disappearing from the bit of folded newspaper
altogether. Cannot something be done on the Pekin lines ? Surely,
Sir Williah Haecoukt, the opportunity is a promising one.

Omitted in Geammaks.—Liquid Letters, “ B and S.”

GAS ANI) WATEE,

If the Irish Land Act—(the 44th & 45th of Evictoria, cap. 49)
should prove a success, there is no reason why the Legislature should.
not push further in a similar direction. What is sauce for the Irish
goose, ought to be good sauce for the English gander. The abolition
of freedom of contract, the interference with the supposed rights of
property, the settlement by Act of Parliament—as in the beautiful
Hackney Carriages Act—of the price which one man shall ask and
another man shall give—ought not to be Government luxuries be-
stowed only on ungrateful Ireland. Let England—of course, by the
kind permission of Mr. Paknell—be treated to a little molly-
coddling legislation in exchange for a vast amount of direct, indirect,
and local taxation. Gas and water are the two first interests to be
experimented upon for tbe benefit of the multitude.

If the past misconduct and rapacity of certain Irish landlords can
justify the reduction of rentals from 25 to 50 per cent. under the
new Irish Land Act, surely the greediness of Gas and Water Com-
panies who have failed to serve their victims with either the quantity
or quality expected, would justify a similar suspension of economie
law. The autocratic tone of monopolist advocates like Sir Edmtjnd
Beckett ought to encourage those weak-kneed Legislators who still
cling to certain Free-trade crutches. Considering the way the public
aretreated bythe Gas and Water Monopolists, the proposed measure
might he called The New Sale of Poisons Bill.

A Buening Question.—The London Water Companies’ Difficulty.
Wanted, a new plan to set the Thames on fire.

Febewry 4, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

POET JS CORNER;

Or, Fonsense Hhymes on ivell-known
Names.

(JVith the Licenser of Plays.)
SaYS ChAUMONT to PlGOTT,

“ Tiens ! you ’re no bigot! ”
Says Pigott to Chaumont,

“ Attendez un momong : ”

('Continued.)

“ Now, as in Divorqons
There isn’t a coarse song,

If you change the last Act
You may play it intact.”

{In Paris.)

Says Fjrance to Gambetta,

“ You’re upset, myUpsetter! ”
Says Gambetta to Fkance,

“ I ’ll wait my next chance.”

Improvement in Ireland.

It is announced that Concerts
and Balls are to be given in the
large towns and other places in
Ireland, in aid of the fund for
the support of the political pri-
soners. From hullets and boy-
cotting to balls and concerts the
transition is undeniahly a change
for the better. May we not, per-
haps, reasonably attribute it to the
humanising influence on Irish
practical politics exerted hy the
lovely members of the Ladies’
Land League ?

’Aeky the ’Airdresser, who is,
like all barbers, an enthusiastic
pole-itician, wants to know if we
consider the modern Radicals as
the Hairs of the old Whigs.

JEsthetic Zoology. — The
TEsthetic Insect—The Be-utter-
fly. The TEsthetic Bird—The
Tou-toucan. The TEsthetic Beast
—The Dadodotamus. The JEs-
thetic Fish—The Kosmic Sole.

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 69.

THE DISTRICT SURVEYOR.

The manners and customs of
the District Surveyor are well
worthy of study, as those who
have been favoured by intimate
dealings with him can testify.
But he is a modest being, who‘
by no means courts publicity.
He is quite content not to be
seen, when invisibility pays. He
is equally satisfied not to see—
when blindness is judicious and
profitable. But that fierce light
which does not beat upon a Jerry-
Builder might reveal unsuspectedi
things if it were fairly turned on
to the District Surveyor. It
might, for instance, reveal some
of the reasons why the building
of Bubble Houses—houses which,
in the popular idiom, are ‘ ‘ Llown
together,” and sometimes alsO’
blown asunder again at the ear-
liest opportunity — proceeds so
merrily, with immunity and profit
to the Bubhle Builders and—
others. Those “ others ” are cer-
tainly not the Public. Could the
District Surveyor enlighten us a
little as to who they are ? JSIr.
Punch pauses—a little while—for
a reply.

DELENDA EST CAKTHAGO.

Hannibal Dilke has vowed
the destruction of the Corporation
of the City of London. “ And
this,” says Gog to Magog, with a
sigh, “ is the man who was known
as ‘ Citizen ’ Dilke ! ”

“ Right you are! ” says Magog.

HIS GRACE THE DUKE OF BEAUFORT, K.G.

“ The ‘Blue,’ the Fkesh, the ever Fkee!”

“ The Sea.”—{Old Song.)

COLOUK-HEAKING.

A Corkespondent writes to ask
us whether the following question
has anything to do with this
interesting scientific theory, viz.,
“ Are the Blue Books intended
to be Red ? ”

[We don’t know; ask Brown..
—Ed.]