Punch (82.1882)

June 10, 1882.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON OHARIVARl.

267

ULTIMATING.

[A good old Farce revived, hut no Money tumed
away at the Doors— quite the contrary.)

British Admiral (meeting French Admi-
,ral). Enchante, Amiral. Q,uite des—des

anciens-(Aside.) Where ihe dickens is

my Flag-Captain ? He ’s the only fellow
on board who can manage French snbjunc-
tives. Don’t know that there ought to
be a subjunctive there. Des—oh, old
friends, Amiral.

French Commander. Yes. we have met
before. Trop honore. I think the tirst
time was—was in China.

British Admiral. Ah, yes, when we
demonstrated about the big Itum Chum
outrage, you remember ?

French Admiral. Parfaitement. And
my bill for subsequently saluting and
dining the authors of the Rum Chum
outrage was eighty thousand francs.
Cheap, hein f considering the fact that we
got a treaty out of them, and you didn’t._

English Commander. Oh, yes we did,
but as they broke both, it doesn’t much
matter. Some old business here, eh ?

French Admiral. Meme vieux jeu, comme
a dit Shaquespere. Fiag-Captain, go and
see if it ’s time to open the sealed orders.

British Admiral. Acting in concert, quite
so; and Midshipman Uneasy, bring me up
my sealed orders and the Grreenwich time.

French Admiral. Absolutely united.
(Opens Orders. Aside.) Must not let
English land whatever happens. Perish
Khedive first.

English Admiral (opening Orders. Aside).
Maintain concord and anything else you
like, but if the French land a Marine, or iire
apopgun—weli, remember Bykg. (Aloud.)
Oh, parfaitement d'accord.

Man at Mast-head. Another revolution
yer Honour. Haj&abi Pasha just col-
lared the National Exchequer, and is a-
trying to negotiate the National Bonds,
which is all he found in it, with the ladies of
the harem, who have all got money-boxes.

French Admiral. A revolution ! — the
fourth in six days. Then T ought to inter-
fere. Pardon, Monsieur, allow me.

English Admiral. I must demonstrate
now. Pardon, Monsieur, but that ’s just
what I can’t do. (Aside.) I do remember
Byng —it was a horrid question of bang !

French Admiral. AYe are thoroughly
agreed. Butyou can’tlandyourmen. We
should regard it as a casus helli.

Man at Mast-head. Another reyolution.
Circassians massacring everybody.

English Admiral. Oh, perfectly agreed.
But if you land even a purser’s assistant,
I shall be reluctantly compelled to torpedo
the 1 ot of you.

Khedive. Somebody come and depose me ;
I can’t stand reigning much longer.

French Admiral (winking to Turkey). I
think you had better come, after all.

British Commander {samebusiness). After
all, it ’s in the Treaty, so you may as well
produce that gendarmerie. Because you
see we can both turn on you, and lick you
together if you don’t go right.

French Admiral. Quite so. And now,
whom shall he lick ?

English Admiral. Well, I rather think
Akabi—-

French Admiral. Well, I thoughtTEWElK
deserved as sound a thrashing as anybody.

Man at Mast-head. Killed all the Consuls
now.

Turkey. Are you agreed ?

British and French Admirals. Agreed !
We couldn’t disagree — until the next
Sealed Orders come. [Curtain.

The Redor [to Irish Plasterer). “ That Mortar must have been very bad.”

Pat {with a grin). “Faix, ye cann’t expict the lik.es o' good Roman Cimint to stick
to a Protestant Church, Sorr ! ! ”

BIGr AND EARLY.

From an evening contemporary last week :—

“ A strange story comes from Shetland of an encounter that a crew of fishermen had off the coast with
an extraordinary sea monster, said to be ubout 150 feet in length, and which was supposed to be a
species of giant cuttlefish or octopus.”

Evidently the monster was brought up close to_ shore by the Whitsun holiday-tide, and
dared to show itself when the coast was quite clear in the absence of Parliamentary Intelli-
gence. If Egyptian and Irish affairs should grow dull, we shall look forward with interest to
the report of a “ Fearful Struggle with a Gigantic Gooseberry off the Coast of Greenland.”
Sea-Serpents and others will accept this intimation, and kindlv wire to our office, where
any information as to their movements will be thankfully received.

Mrs. Ramsbotham and the Egyttian Difeiculty.—She knows all about it, and has got
the names so correctly. “ Theidea,” she exclaimed, “ of a person called Toothache Pasha !
Of course he ’d give trouble. I should have him out or stopped at once.”