DOI issue:
July 1, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17752#0309
July ls 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 303
DISTHRESS !”
Sergeant (to Millcwoman). “ You appeap. to be doing a great deal of Business just now, Mrs. Murphy.”
Mrs. Murphy. “ Sorra a bit ! I ’m nearly Kilt wid thryin’ to Live !”
PUJSTCH AMONG- THE PROPHETS.
CanonBasil Vv"ilberforceisBishop-Electof Newcastle. Nodoubt
he has already received many congratulatory addresses ; but, years
ago, Mr. Punch was the first to admonish Canon Basil, in a tone ot'
prophetic warning, as to tbe duties of the elevated position which he
was one day destined to occupy. Mr. Punch foresaw it, though the
young Don Basilio did not; for in his reply to Letter NXXI. in
Punch's Complete Letter- Writer (Yol. VII., p. 169, 1844) Basilio
intimated his intention of renouncing the idea of taking Orders, and
of going to the Bar instead; because, as he observes in his P.S., “They
tell me I’ve the gift of the gab a talent which he has Wilberforcedly
cultivated, as may be gathered from the paragraph in Truth, where
we learn that the Elect Bishop Basil has been preaching to “ over-
fiowing congregations.”
“My dear Basil,” wrote Mr. Punch, in the immortal series
already alluded to, “ I have endeavoured to place before you your
duties as the Parish Pastor of a flock. Providence may, however,
raise you to the bench. Yes, Basil ; you may become a Bishop.
Nevertheless, seeknot the dignity ; nay, pray that it may never fall
upon you. In your mid-day walks, in your closet, in your bed, let
your constant ejaculation be—Nolo Episcopari. Sweet, most sweet,
is the humblest curacy—dangerous and difficult the richest see.
How far happier—how more truly primitive—the Pastor of a Welsh
mountain, than the Bishop of even golden Durham ! ”
And now, Mr. Punch, strougly recommending the elect Bishop
Basil to rpad the above-mentioned letter from beginning to end, to
retire within himself, and ponder its contents, folds him to his heart
in his paternal embrace, bestows on him his benison, and sends him,
with the coals, to Newcastle.
Major Flood Page has resigned the post of Crystal Palatial
Manager for that of Greneral Manager of the Edison Indian and
Colonial Electric Light Company. Here ’s sudden promotion ! The
Major Manager to be a Major-Ueneral Manager. What a Flood of
Light may now be expected from the Edison Indian Co.
A HANDBOOK OF KNOWLEDGE.
No. Y.—Drivers (concluded).
Q. Oif what terms are Drivers with each other F
A. On those colloquially known as “ cat-and-dog” terms.
Q. Wby is this P
A. The Driver’s bounceable conceit, monkeyish malice, insatiable
love of squabbling and fondness for bullying and abuse, are too
enormous and ever-active to find full vent upon the general public.
To give them complete play, he is compelled to quarrel continuously
with those of his own kind.
Q. How does he manage this P
A. A Driver’s faculty of spontaneous aversion is greater than that
of a party politician, whilst his powers of provocation would put
those of a nagging fishwife into the shade.
Q. What are his methods of provocation ?
A. They are too numerous to name. Wilful collisions, deliberate
blocks, aggravating “ nursing,” free use of the whip, andfreeruse
of a slangy and scurrilous tongue, are among his commoner devices.
Q. When two Drivers differ on some small point of road etiquette
or personal demeanour, what is their course ?
A. To burst simultaneously into a savage, satirical, and generally
foul-mouthed slanging match, which is prolonged while they can
contrive to keep within ear-shot of each otker, without heed to the
stoppage of traffic, to public decency or to the convenience or comfort
of fares.
Q. But when one or other of the Drivers is in the wrong ?
A. No Driver was ever known on any occasion, or in any circum-
stances, to admit himself to he in the wrong. This rule is absolute
and without exception, and is understood, indeed, to embody the
Driver’s one—and only—“ point of honour.”
The new City Remembrancer is Mr. Prior Goldnev, who obtained
priority over the other candidates. Mr. Goldney is one of the
Counsel for the Mint—so, altogether, there is something appropriate
in his name.
DISTHRESS !”
Sergeant (to Millcwoman). “ You appeap. to be doing a great deal of Business just now, Mrs. Murphy.”
Mrs. Murphy. “ Sorra a bit ! I ’m nearly Kilt wid thryin’ to Live !”
PUJSTCH AMONG- THE PROPHETS.
CanonBasil Vv"ilberforceisBishop-Electof Newcastle. Nodoubt
he has already received many congratulatory addresses ; but, years
ago, Mr. Punch was the first to admonish Canon Basil, in a tone ot'
prophetic warning, as to tbe duties of the elevated position which he
was one day destined to occupy. Mr. Punch foresaw it, though the
young Don Basilio did not; for in his reply to Letter NXXI. in
Punch's Complete Letter- Writer (Yol. VII., p. 169, 1844) Basilio
intimated his intention of renouncing the idea of taking Orders, and
of going to the Bar instead; because, as he observes in his P.S., “They
tell me I’ve the gift of the gab a talent which he has Wilberforcedly
cultivated, as may be gathered from the paragraph in Truth, where
we learn that the Elect Bishop Basil has been preaching to “ over-
fiowing congregations.”
“My dear Basil,” wrote Mr. Punch, in the immortal series
already alluded to, “ I have endeavoured to place before you your
duties as the Parish Pastor of a flock. Providence may, however,
raise you to the bench. Yes, Basil ; you may become a Bishop.
Nevertheless, seeknot the dignity ; nay, pray that it may never fall
upon you. In your mid-day walks, in your closet, in your bed, let
your constant ejaculation be—Nolo Episcopari. Sweet, most sweet,
is the humblest curacy—dangerous and difficult the richest see.
How far happier—how more truly primitive—the Pastor of a Welsh
mountain, than the Bishop of even golden Durham ! ”
And now, Mr. Punch, strougly recommending the elect Bishop
Basil to rpad the above-mentioned letter from beginning to end, to
retire within himself, and ponder its contents, folds him to his heart
in his paternal embrace, bestows on him his benison, and sends him,
with the coals, to Newcastle.
Major Flood Page has resigned the post of Crystal Palatial
Manager for that of Greneral Manager of the Edison Indian and
Colonial Electric Light Company. Here ’s sudden promotion ! The
Major Manager to be a Major-Ueneral Manager. What a Flood of
Light may now be expected from the Edison Indian Co.
A HANDBOOK OF KNOWLEDGE.
No. Y.—Drivers (concluded).
Q. Oif what terms are Drivers with each other F
A. On those colloquially known as “ cat-and-dog” terms.
Q. Wby is this P
A. The Driver’s bounceable conceit, monkeyish malice, insatiable
love of squabbling and fondness for bullying and abuse, are too
enormous and ever-active to find full vent upon the general public.
To give them complete play, he is compelled to quarrel continuously
with those of his own kind.
Q. How does he manage this P
A. A Driver’s faculty of spontaneous aversion is greater than that
of a party politician, whilst his powers of provocation would put
those of a nagging fishwife into the shade.
Q. What are his methods of provocation ?
A. They are too numerous to name. Wilful collisions, deliberate
blocks, aggravating “ nursing,” free use of the whip, andfreeruse
of a slangy and scurrilous tongue, are among his commoner devices.
Q. When two Drivers differ on some small point of road etiquette
or personal demeanour, what is their course ?
A. To burst simultaneously into a savage, satirical, and generally
foul-mouthed slanging match, which is prolonged while they can
contrive to keep within ear-shot of each otker, without heed to the
stoppage of traffic, to public decency or to the convenience or comfort
of fares.
Q. But when one or other of the Drivers is in the wrong ?
A. No Driver was ever known on any occasion, or in any circum-
stances, to admit himself to he in the wrong. This rule is absolute
and without exception, and is understood, indeed, to embody the
Driver’s one—and only—“ point of honour.”
The new City Remembrancer is Mr. Prior Goldnev, who obtained
priority over the other candidates. Mr. Goldney is one of the
Counsel for the Mint—so, altogether, there is something appropriate
in his name.