Punch: Punch (82.1882)

July l, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARl. 309

fVSODERN LIFE !N LONDON ; OR, “ TOM AND JERRY ” BACK AGAIN.

TOM ANJ) JERRY SHOW UP WITIT YOUNG LOGIC IN THE “ ROW.”

“ I am most anxious, my dear Jeery,” said the Corinthian one
morning, “ to see how an old haunt of ours looks. We h.ave seen
modern Life ift Loxnojsr under various aspects, but we haye not yet
bad a stroll in tbe Park. It was in otber days tbe show-shop of tbe
Metropolis, and in tbe ProjIENade or ‘ Grand Strut ’ you saw a
mob of persons consisting not only of ‘ Great People,’ but tbe
‘ soi-disant Great’ in tbat grand drive of fasbion.” “ I remember
it well,” said Jeery. “ Sball I ever forget my first introduction to
tbe Duchess oe Hearts and tbe Marchjoness of Diamonds, or Bill
Dash, Dick Trifle, and Plausible Jack.” “ Rum names your
friends must bave bad, Mr. Hawthorn,” saidyoung Bob, who joined
tbem at tbat moment; ‘ ‘ but if tbey express tbeir characters I tbink
you ’ll find a good many of tbe same sort about nowadays, especially
in The Row.” “ Tbat is just tbe place we wisb to visit, my dear
Bob,” said tbe Corinthian, and young Logic, having remarked
“Allright. I’m on in that scene.,” the Trio, took a lounge in the
Burlington, a stroll up and down St. James Street, and a saunter in
Piccadilly before proceeding to do “ a bit of Park.”

’Twas indeed afine sigbtwben our beroes entered “ Tbe Park,” for
so Hyde Pare: is par excellence designated. Sol darted his beams
impartially upon swe.ll and snob, and sbone upon as gay a sigbt as is
afiorded in Tbe Metropolis. It would need tbe pen of a Thackeray
or a Sala to do justice to tbe animated scene whicb tbe Artist bas
depicted witb a Hogartliian pencil. All London appeared to be
gatbered in “ The Row,’ ’ and tbe constant chaos of carriages, and stream
of pedestrians was positively bewiidering. As an epitome of Life in
London tbe scene afforded some rare glimpses of Character. Tbere
was tbe Statesman on bis cob, the man-about-town in bis brougham,
tbe Leader of fashion in bis park-phaeton, tbe Duchess in ber
landau, tbe fast lady in ber Victoria, and all sorts of people not “ in
Society,” wbo fondly imagined tbat tbey made themselves part of
“ The Upper Ten ” by appearing in The Park. But’twas a vain
illusion. “ Money,” as tbe old proverb bas it, “ makes tbe mare to
go,” but it cannot make an Englisb Gentieman, any more tban tbe
sbam coat of arms purcbased in Cranbourn Street for tbe modest
sum of tbree-and-sixpence can give a man an ancestral tree. Yainly
’does Crcesus keep a carriage, and cbange tbe bomely patronymic of
Bu&gins for tbat of the lorclly De Yere. He is as uncomfortable
wben be bears tbe new name as be is in tbe pantaloons of Poole, and
tbe sparkle of Cbampagne wbicb sbould cbeer bis declining years,

only serves to remind bim of tbe humbler liquors of bis early days*.
“ Psba,” cries Dives, “Ricbes can purchase anytbing,” and tben be
buys a fair young wife wbo runs away from bim; and is put up for a
fasbionable Club upon wbicb be bas set his beart, and is punctualiy

“ PILLED.”

Thus, tben, may tbe philosopher moralise like Diogenes, wben ke
takes bis “ afternoon Crawl ” in IIyde Park :—

Here are the folks who are “ the go,”
But with the high you meet the low ;
The M.P. shirks the Irish wight
Whocalled him scoundrel yesternight;
The Countess sees the love of old
Before she sold herself for gold,
Andsighs to think, ’mid thatgay scene,
Of allthe joythat “mighthave been,”
The“gommy” passes yon young joker
Who won his tin last night at poker.

And hard-up Tom and dasliing Will
Walk past the cove who “ did their
bill.”

There ’s nought to pay for trees and
air,

A penny buys a vacant chair ;
t! ere in good truth you well may see
The worid’s complete epitome ;

While swell and snob walk to and fro^
And all sorts mix in Rotten Row.

“ It is in trutb an animated scene,” said tbe Corinthian ; and as
be spoke tbere drove past tbe fairest Lady in tbe Land, our beloved
Princess, wbo, witb ber pretty cbildren, was taking an airing.
Bebind ber sat tbe smartest tiger in tbe world, and all bats were
doffed in acknowledgment of ber gracious presence.

As tbey strolled along, young Logic pointed out several of tbe
notabilities, and he also met many of bis pals. Tbese young swells
did not seem to be enjoying tbemselves very much, and for tbe most
part to be lost in tbe contemplcition of their clothes, wbile tbey
pressed the Trio to come into the Club, and liave just “ one peg.”
Tbeir faces, bowever, lit up now and tben as some rouged and
ruddled Siren drove by in a dashing Victoria, though tbere were
fair young faces in tbe soberer vehicles wbich migbt bave set
many a heart ajlame : but it was too clear, as the Corinthian
remarked to bis Coz, tbat tbe yonng “ Cbappies ” of the day were
not “ mairying men,” simply because tbey preferred a life of selfish
pleasure to tbe deligbts of honourable ipedlock. “ Tbat is all very
well,” said yonng Logic, “ but tbe fact is, my dear Mr. Tom, it
won’t rnn to it nowadays. We are blown up at Point Nonplus
before we are of age, and tbe rest of life is wbat tbat old beggar at
Chelsea called “ Dust and asbes.” Tom and Jerry langbed at tbis
scilly, wbicb reminded tbem of tbeir old friend, tbe Oxonian ; and
after a turn or two more, tbe Trio left tbe Park.

The Anti-Advowsontsts.—Clerical “ Gents,” now appearing as
obstructionists at Auctions, if tbey are always to be led by the Rev.
Mr. Hadden, should prepare a finale for every occasion

For he’s{ ai°J}y f °° d ] fellow,
I a jolly baa J
And so say all of us!

With a one, two, three,

30inS! “■*» Going !!!-

And if tbe Anctioner is wise, be will by tbis time have disappeared,
and sbout tbrougb tbe keybole, “ Gone ! ”

At the Latest Meeting of tbe amiable dilettanti and disinterested
Theatrical Ladies and Gentlemen anxious to start a Scbool of
Dramatic Art—perbaps for a similar reason to tbat of Private Fritz,
wbo wisbed to become a Schoolmaster, in order tbat be might learn
to read and write—Mr. Ryder treated tbem to some good honest
plain speaking: in fact, tbe one Ryder was wortb all tbe proposi-
tions.

Mrs. Ramsbotham has been staying at Tunbridge Wells. She
says sbe enjoyed notbing so mncb as walking on tne Gentiles. It
quite reminds her of tbe good old times.

AT THE “ROMANY RYE.”

Satd a long-baired PEsthete to a pasty-faced dEstbete,
quite too gutterly gutter, don’t you know! ”

“It ’s