Punch: Punch (82.1882)

310 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 0®“ 1882.

A SONG OF ST. STEPHEN’S.

Tell me not in moeking nnmbers
We shall have to come totown,

j And resume onr wonted slnmbers,
When the leaves are sere and
brown.

■ If we don’t make good progression
With those undigested Bills,

There will be an Antnmn Session—
Worst of legislative ills.

Vainly do we save onr speeehes,
Still the floods of talk are deep ;

Well it is experienee teaches
Attitndes in which to sleep.

We detest insane obstruction,

But, onr honest hopes to blight,

Irish Members raise a “ rnction ”
In the watches of the night.

Lives of patriots all remind us
We can show uncommon nous,

And, departing, leave behind us
Relays that shall “ keep a
Etouse.”

Relays that perchance onr leaders
O’er the legislative main

May observe, while we are pleaders
Autumn leisnre to attain.

Out of Arms’ Way.

Ie the guns, powder, and pistols
were put in Clerkenwell to engage
and concentrate the attention of
the poliee, they have answered
their purpose admirably. Tbree
or four hundred pounds—the ex-
treme value of the store—were
never better invested, from a
Fenian point of view. If the
store meant mischief, it could not
, have been much mischief. The
I greater mischief is probably else-
where, where the police are not
j looking.

PUNCH'S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 90.

F. R. SPOFFORTH,

SITTINGS (FOR PORTRAITS)
IN BELTO AT WEST-
MINSTER.

Here is a suggestion for Action
in any other Artistic Libel Case
that may arise. Noodle says
JDoodle doesn’t draw the por-
traits which bear his signature.
Hence JDoodle v. Noodle, before
quite the last of the Chief-Barons,
Punch, and a very Uncommon
Jury. The Judge orders drawing
materials into Court, and tells
Doodle to do likenesses of him-
self and the Foreman of the Jury.
No Counsel need be employed.
Doodle executes rapidly a per-
fect likeness of the Judge’s ihtel-
lectual lineaments, and twelve
highly llattering portraits of the
Foreman and the Gentlemen of
the Jury. Without waiting for
any further evidence, the Judge
would at once direct the Jury
with strict impartiality, and the
Jurymen would immediately
return a verdict for Plaintiff with
heavy damages, and each one
take his portrait home to his
wife. This simplification of a
difiicult case would save time,
trouble, and expense.

Yellow and Blue. — French
Diplomatic doings are published
in “ YellowBooks”—ajaundiced,
bilious kind of colour. Articles
on Perfide Albion are the result.
Here the Grovernment works go
j on till everything looks uncom-
j monly blue, when, oddly enough,

| the Blue Books become pretty
generally read. Quite chameleon-
like.

“ The Demon” or Imp-etuous
on t’other side

Bowler, representing Cricket

OF THE H-EARTH.

Motto for an American
Hunter. — What is one man’s
Meat is another man’s Bison.

A FEW MOKE OE THEM.

(Suggested by the latestthing in Advertisements, with fac-simile signatures
of celebrities.)

The nubian ink pellets. •

“ I consider them a most excellent invention, and, as an ofEen-
sive missile, quite equal to the very best river-mud. I never go
down to the House without having all mypockets full of them.”—
J. Ashmead-Bartlett.

PEMBRIDGrE SUPERFINE ORDER PAPER.

“ A thousand salutations for your specimen. It seems of
admirable quality. Should I continue my Shakspearian impersona-
tions, you may rely on me for a handsome order.”—Rossi.

RINGROSE’S PATENT WHITEWASH.

“ I use nothing else for my colleague ; and as he appears quite
satisfied with the result, you may forward me another ton.”—Henry
Laboucheke.

THE HYDRAULIC LIFT COMPANY.

“ Ihe ascending motion is trulv delightful. I haven’t enjoyed
myself so much for a long time.”—W. Ellis (Lord Mayor).

THE POLITE LETTER-WRITER.

“I use it continually.”—W. Yernon Harcourt.

Remington firWescapeW

“ Your capital apparatus has reached me safely, and I am in
hourly expectation that I shall be able thoroughly to test its full
capabilities.—E. Malet (Alexandria).

BARKER’S METALLIC EOG AND STORM SIGNAU

_ “ Your powerful instrument has, to my ears, an extremely
pleasing sound. I never open my mouth in the House of Lords
without freely having recourse to it.”—Salisburt.

/'NARTER’S SELF-PROPELLING CHAIR.

VO “ It appears to be the very thing 1 have been looking for for
some considerable time. You may send me one at onee.”—H. Brand
(Speaker).

BANNISTER’S -DOUB L E-A CTI0 N HIGH-PRESSURE
TRACTION ENGINE.

“ Your machiue is certainly striking and massive, but I am not
quite confident that its vast powers will be equal to the tax to which
I may be forced to subject them before the close of the Session.
Perhaps you had better make up the half-dozen, and let me know that
I can have the other five by an early despatch.”—W. E. Gladstone.

A PROTEST—FROM POOR “ JO.”

“ This little table sold for £6,000.”—Newspaper's Report of the PLamilton Sale.

What ! Give all that money ! Well, here ’s what I say,—

The truth with fine words you may soften or smother,—

This table, about which you ’re raving to-day,

Has set me a-thinking about that there other.

That one which it ’3 wrote that the crumbs that fell off
Was sought by a poor chap below for his dinner.

D’ you reckon the owner of that was a toff ?—

I ’m blest if I don’t set him down as a sinner !

So, down East, while coves are a-starving, well nigh,

For bread,—that ’s dry bread, mind you, not bread-and-butter,—

To sink all that blunt just in feedin’ his eye,

Well, there,—I ’d be prouder as Jo in the gutter !

New Opera.—Faust and Margarine; or, The Mephistophelian
Cheesemonger. Also, a real good ’un, The Grand Duteh-clieesc.